Ever have a sh*tty job that you wanted to complain about in a weekly submission-based column named after Blink-182 lyrics? Send your submissions to worksuxiknow[at]gmail.com!
In the summer when I'm home from college I work in a bakery for this crazy guy named Dan. On his way to work my he had slammed his finger in his car door and it had formed a gigantic puss bubble right behind his finger nail. If he squeezed the bubble he was able to shoot a stream of puss out from underneath his fingernail. He came into the bakery as we were mixing up a batch of blueberry muffins. He walked over towards me and tried to squirt me with his finger puss. I was able to avoid the stream but it went right into the batter that we had just mixed up. He refused to let us remake the batter and then proceeded to mix in the blueberries by hand. He claimed his puss would cook off in the oven. Righttt. Quite a few people unknowingly consumed about a tablespoon of this guys puss.
I worked in a warehouse for a summer and was frequently assigned ridiculous busy work. One time my boss had me clean the entire warehouse floor, but we didn't have a mop. I had to use a sponge.
I used to work at an auto accessory store as a salesman and had a regular customer come in who was deaf. For some reason I was the only guy who he would "talk" to. One day he came in shortly after getting an alarm installed and said that it wasn't working. I could hear his siren blazing from a mile away.
-C. W., AK
I used to work at a fast food place last summer, and one time one of my coworkers came in and told me a story about how she got bit on her butt by a bee (no idea how that could be possible). She then proceeded to show me exactly where she was stung. She was around her mid-50s, so I got the chance to see grossest ass I have ever seen, with a bee sting scar the size of a quarter. I still had to work two more months with her.
During my junior/senior years in high school my parents were always on me to find a part-time job. My dad suggested I ref little kid basketball games. A few weeks into the job, some father stormed across the court yelling that the opposing coach was instructing his team of 6 and 7 year olds to throw elbows. While trying to separate the two, I got cold-clocked by an errant punch from the father, who later said I deserved it because I let the game get out of hand. Needless to say my stint as a referee ended there. I learned two things: Some parents take kids sports games way too seriously. And if you are ever going to punch someone, make sure you hit the person you intend to, not a 17 year old kid, that still counts as child abuse. Thanks for paying my first year of college, crazy basketball dad.
-Rich, Arizona State
During high school, I worked fast food. One day, a particularly surly 50-year-old man tried to bypass the line and order. I politely told him that he'd have to wait in line. The guy goes nuts and has to be escorted out while calling me an "8 dollar an hour jerkoff." I was making 6 dollars an hour.
And the "Work is Awesome, I Know" award goes to
The company I work for has a form to request time off, the same form is used for "status/position changes". One time when I took off a day I changed my job title from "Shipping(Logistics) Manager" to "Master of the Known Universe & All Shippification Services". Not only does it print on all my checks and is on my tax forms, but when they order me uniforms its stitched right under my name.