Online mutiplayer achievements:

Frustration

Stretch Armstrong: Get killed 25 times by a melee knife while 15 ft. away from the opponent.

F*ck You San Francisco!: Call 1,000 different players "gay".

The light! It burns!: Manage to get killed by the flash of a flashbang.

Hello, Goodbye: Get 100 spawn deaths.

Goodbye, Oh Hello: Get 100 spawn kills.

I'd Say It's More of A Lodge Than a Camp: Win a game as top player without ever moving from one spot. 

Face It, It's Not Working: Continuously attempt to kill Lodger, and die 8 times in a row.

I know you are, but what am I?: Get in an argument with a kid.

God Damn Kenyans…: Get killed 100 times by a person with lightweight, marathon, commando, and tactical knife (Super Soldier).

Just accept the anal penetration:  Turn around (without a shotgun), and see a super soldier running at you without bothering to even shoot.

No thanks, I'd rather bitch:  Keep yelling at a player to STFU, and say only that, for 10-minutes straight rather than just muting them.

 

Ridiculous

Shankopotomous: Get stabbed through a wall.

I thought they got rid of that!: Get killed 10 times in a row due to care-package glitch.

You're a better man than I: Get killed with a randomly fired grenade launcher without swearing.

T-1000:  Shoot an opponent point blank with a shotgun, and they don't die. They then kill you.

This isn't Halo damn it!:  Hit an opponent with your entire magazine and they don't die.

Must be the Coriolis effect: Get killed by a sniper rifle when the scope's crosshair isn't even on your body.

F#$df%&!jo@#!@: You're one kill away from a upper level kill streak and die because of Super Soldier, Random-nade, or by teammate not using Cold-Blooded who is next to you during an opponents kill-streak reward.

 

Nerdom

You're so 1337:  Give a 15-minute rant on how you nuked everyone of those n00bs.

Cock-a-doodle-DUEL: Join one penis clan and battle another (8==D, 8==>, 8=D, etc.).

These thumbs have killed so many: Have a play time higher than 10 days.

Mapathetic: Get 100 "random" kills when shooting into typical spots without even really noticing anyone there.

So seeing that you don't have a girlfriend, what are you doing this weekend?: Prestige 4 times.

What YEAR is it?: Prestige 6 times.

Hi, This is Infinity Ward, and we'd like to apologize first hand for what we've done to you: Prestige 9 times.

WHAT THE F*CK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!: Prestige 10 times.