We see homeless people everywhere. Begging on the streets for food, money, or a job with a torn piece of cardboard stating “will work 4 food,” “homeless, broke, traveling,” or “need money for booze.”
Regardless of the efforts by countries throughout the world, there have been and always will be homeless people. We can create free, temporary places for homeless people to stay, hand out food at soup kitchens, or buy them a meal at a fast food restaurant, but our efforts have not made a significant impact on getting homeless people off of the streets and into a cozy house.
I have decided that there must be a radical solution to this problem, or else it will never be solved. My solution will allow pedestrians to walk downtown without fearing that a homeless man will harass them with pleas for money, booze, or drugs. The streets will no longer smell of urine, and the sidewalks will only have walking pedestrians on them, not sleeping bums that we must walk around or step over. We will be free to walk the town without cringing at the sound of the amateur singers, guitarists, or pianists trying to “make it big” on our local streets. Instead of handing out small-pox infested blankets, we should solve this problem in a way that both parties can benefit. We must take these homeless people into our own homes, helping them while they help us.
We all hate to do chores, but it is a necessary evil. Why should we be the ones to sweep, do laundry, mow the grass, trim the hedges, or clean the kitchen when there are millions of homeless people sitting on the streets with nothing to do? Instead of searching through ads in the newspaper for maids, we can now drive around town, luring homeless people into our cars by jingling the loose change in our pockets. Instead of paying America’s tax dollars on soup kitchens and temporary living, we could let tax payers keep that money to go towards our new, personalized homeless person. Homeless people can help you find the perfect blend of cleaning solutions which can get any stain out or clean any surface. Has your child always wanted a brother or sister? Instead of going through potty training and 9 months of potty training all over again, you can find a homeless person to be your child’s friend. Whenever you make toast and it gets stuck in the toaster, you no longer have to worry about burning your fingers trying to get them out, you can just call the homeless helper into your kitchen and ask them to retrieve the toast or bagel with a fork. They can even help with disputes within the house. Their life experience can be applied to settling disputes through bum fights, a very effective way to resolve who gets the last piece of steak at dinner. When watching your favorite television program and the satellite dish loses signal during a thunderstorm, you can ask your homeless person to go up to the roof and fix it. The amount of help a homeless person can offer is unbounded. This solution would benefit the entire world, allowing everyone to see the value in people that we did not see before.
This solution will offer homeless people a safer retreat from the street life and allow them to get back on their feet. This solution can finally get the many homeless people off the streets and into beds and a loving family’s arms. Families can finally benefit from this group of people and have them do risky (yet necessary) things around the house. Welcome home, homeless people.