Once upon a time, there was a farmer named Rodger. He had a best friend named Michael, but every one called him Mike. Mike was a chicken, and he was personified (meaning that he could do human-like things). One day, Rodger went bankrupt, and had to eat Mike. As he was swinging an axe onto Mike’s head, he realized that eating his best friend was wrong. He tried to reattach the severed head with tape, but it just kept falling off, he feared it was too late.
Mike was not dead, and became infuriated with Rodger; he picked up the axe, and killed the star-crossed farmer. Mike then fled to New York, where he met a girl named Sarah. He met Sarah online while searching for gay, bear-on-elephant porn. They decided to meet in person, at a starbucks. Mike told her that he would “cum and then he would go meat her”. During their meating a man walked in wearing a Superman suit, one that exposed his spotted-Thomas (dick). He took out a gun and fired a warning shot into the air. At this, mike screamed. Sarah asked what had happened, mike said “I spilt coffee on my cock, and it burns like hell!” Sarah told him to chilax, mike got mad and ejaculated “GO TO HELL! YOU GOD-DAMN MILF!” then he stopped, dropped, and rolled. This had no effect, seeing as to how he wasn’t rally on fire. Then the man in the Superman outfit fired another round into the ground, but the bullet ricochet and hit Sarah in her beaver. The bullet traveled up her spin and blew her brains out, causing her to seep out vaginal fluids (this due to the fact that as that bullet penetrated her body, it sent orgasmic pleasures through out all of her anatomy) Mike walked up to her body and noticed that her mouth was open, as if she were moaning in pleasure. This caused mike to stand up, and he began to feel hard and heavy. He picked up the corpse and placed it into the trunk of his car. He drove to the nearest motel and checked into a one bed, with free access to channels with pornographic material.
Mike proceeded to violating poor Sarah’s corpse, but just as he drove in he was confronted by a tiny purple dinosaur (who was not gay, just for the record). The dinosaur’s name was Bucky, and he told Mike that what he was about to do was wrong and immoral, and that it went against his Christian beliefs. Mike then pulled out, just in time for it to start raining. Both Mike and Bucky got wet, then they went to Bucky’s house to change, the two of them became the best of friends. Bucky invited Mike to go pole dancing with him at a place called Club Chuby’s. Mike accepted, seeing as to how he really needed the money.
One day, as Mike was getting off his shift at Chuby’s, he saw Miley Cirus and Selena Gomez getting of their shifts as well. He thought to himself, if they died and I were the only one left, then that would mean that I would get all the money! He followed each one into her dressing room and killed then both. Bucky had been dead for a couple of days, so he couldn’t stop Mike from doing what he was about to do. (Bucky had killed himself, blew his brains out with a sawed off shotgun) He had left a note, and it read:
Dear friends, oh, I mean friend…
I am sorry for this, but for the past 70 years I have been planning on coming out, but I never had the guts. So I killed myself, and died in the closet. To Mike, I will miss our sodamee. This may shock you, because when it happened, you were either drunk, or asleep. I am not gay, but I am a Christian. Tell Miley that I love her and will miss her music.
The, not gay, tiny purple pole dancing dinosaur.
Since Bucky was dead, Mike did to both Miley and Selena what he couldn’t do to Sarah. The police was all over Mike’s tail about the disappearance of Miley and Selena, so Mike fled to Germany.
While in Germany, Mike decided to look for porn. As he was leaving a porno store, he met Chocolate Pudding, a cow. They both fell in love and got married, then they had lots of nasty dirty sex and produced two headless little pigs (who looked an awful lot like Bucky). This disturbed Mike, so he joined the army. Chocolate and her two mutant love Childs got separated and sent to different camps (Chocolate was sent to Da Cow or Dachau). They were all worked to death, even though Chocolate remained on her back the entire time. Hitler feels bad for killing the family of a fellow soldier, so he assigns Mike a Special mission. Mike is to kill the president of the US. Mike packs his things and sets off for America. While in America, he realizes that the heat has died down and the cops are no longer looking for him. He spends several months planning out the assassination, and finally comes up with a plan. He straps a bomb to his leg, and walks into the White House. When he finds the president, he kicks him square in the nuts, killing the First Lady and only injuring the president. After realizing that his mission has failed, Hitler kicks Mike out of the army.
After several years of loneliness, he decides to do something drastic. He takes out a sawed off shotgun and one bullet (both left to him in Bucky’s will) and he proceeds to shoot himself in the head.