Earlier today a group of leading audiologists released a new study. As senior scientist and experiment director Dr. Shinoda described it, "We were studying thew way the sound waves of various artists reacted in the air. The crazy thing is, the sound waves would actually 'jump' while Linkin Park songs were playing. Linkin Park was the only artist tested whose music would jump in midair. We, as a group, have decided to describe the event as 'awesomeness.' "

Another prominent audiologist involved in the study, Dr. Durst, was apparently "really pissed" when Limp Bizkit's music didn't 'jump.' "Those sons of bitches rigged it!" He was quoted as saying, apparently referring to the results offered from the various tested artists.

Other leading scientists reported seeing Dr. Scene run off after the Hollywood Undead tests revealed that the music had "negative 'awesomeness,' " or the waves actually dipped down. Several watched him run into a closet, and some reported hearing what sounded like crying, others said he was on a phone, still others said they heard both.

There was immediately a backlash abpout the quality of the study, as prominent audiologists such as Dr.s Eminem, Dre, and Soulja Boy all stormed Twitter with angry rampages about not being invited to take part in the research. "THIS WUZ NOT REEL!!! THIS SHIT WAS WAY FUKKEN STUPED!! I SHUD BEEN A PART UF THIZZZ!!!" Dr. Eminem was quoted as saying. Dr.s Dre and Soulja Boy all had similar feelings, but to save the little remaining quality of this publication, we shall not add their posts.

As far as the results are concerned, "it is unclear where this discovery will lead us," Dr. Shinoda stated. Although he did drop a mention that "someone" (possibly Dr. Hahn, the premier audio-weapons analyst) was "working with ways to harness this power," he "could not say anything at this time."