MARIO

A fat plumber does shrooms and gets blueballs from a princess.

STAR FOX

Woodland critters with ethically indicative names fly x-wings.

ZELDA

See Mario. Substitute plumber with elf and princess with ninja princess.

SUPER SMASH BROTHERS

The best parts of all nintendo games thrown together to keep you from going to class.

GOLDEN EYE

Better used as a coaster if you don't have the cheat codes.

BLITZ

This is how we'd all play football if we had steroids and no rules.

MARIO KART

Same as Smash Bros., but shorter and less fun.

1080

TWEAK FOR GOD'S SAKE!

TONY HAWK

Do things even real skaters can't do, and shove it in their faces.

BANJO KAZOOIE

Mario rip-off with notes instead of coins and a pain in the ass bird.