SETTING: Classroom.  Dozen kids.  Ages 15-18.  One kid sits in the corner.  The loner has pale, slightly glimmering skin, gelled up hair, and is intensely staring at one of the dozen kids in the class.  Specifically, at a girl, named Becca.  The young man's name is Edmund, and he is a Vampire.  (He bears a striking resemblance to Robert Patinson's Edward Cullen from the Twilight series)  

Class has yet to begin.  

Guy in Group: Why the fuck is that Irish Guido staring over here?  
Guy #2 in Group: I think he wants to bang us.
Girl being stared at: Wow he is really staring…
Guy #2: Yeah.  I think he's staring at me…
Guy #1:  He's definitely staring at one of us.  What's his deal?  Why is he wearing body glitter?
Girl #2: Maybe one of us should say something to him.
Girl #1: I will.  My cousin is gay.  I know what its like to know someone in the closet.  
(Girl #1 walks over to creepy vampire kid.  Creepy vampire kid startled, can not contain his startledness)

Girl #1: Hi!  I'm Becca.  I couldn't help but notice you staring…
Vamp: Hello Becca.  I'm Edmund.  I'm sorry for staring, but it was just… too intoxicating.
Girl #1:  Riight.  Well, are you new to John Adams high school?  I haven't noticed you before.
Vamp:  Me and my family just moved here.  From…Eastern Europe.  
Girl: Well I suppose that explains the smell of rotting cabbage.  And your constant drooling.
Vamp:  But it doesn't explain everything…Does it?
GIrl: Relax Edmund!  You don't have to be self conscious here.  We at J.A. High are way more accepting of other kinds of people than you think.  
Vamp: …Really?
Girl:  Yes!  We have people like you all over the school!  
Vamp: People, like me?  
Girl:  Oh Emm Gee!  Eff yes!  Look at Julien over there!  We knew what he was before he did!  And he's just as accepted as any of us!
Vamp: Yeah?
Girl: And then there's Freddy.  Isn't he just Yummy!
(Cut to dainty homosexual guy)
Vamp: (Licking his lips) I'll say.  
Girl: We also have the other kind too.  Look over there at Doris.  
(CUT TO DORIS, A BULL-DYKE-MANNISH-LOOKING LESBIAN, LONG UNKEPT HAIR, NO MAKE UP, WEARING RATTY BLUE JEANS AND AN OLD VIETNAM ERA JUNGLE JACKET)
Vamp: Eesh.
Girl: Tell me about it.  But she's got her friends.  I'm sure you'll find a place to fit in.  
Vamp: Thanks Becca.  You've been a big help.  

(NEXT DAY; SAME SETTING)
Girl:  Hey Edmund!  How's your second day of school?  
Vamp: Dreadful.  I spent some time alone with Julien and Freddy.  They weren't really my type.  
Girl: Thats a shame.  What happened?
Vamp: Well, I started talking about biting, and all they could talk about was… (CLEARS THROAT) sucking.
Girl: Well.  What do you expect?  I figured sucking was a huge part of what you guys like to do?  
Vamp: Well, thats part of it.  But not exactly what they were talking…
Girl: (Quickly cuts off Edmund)  Well Edmund, I don't know what I can do to help you.  I can show you the door, but you're the one who has to come out of the closet eventually.
Edmund: Yeah, I know but… Wait.  What?
Girl: I know your parents might have a strict Eastern European way of raising you but its not healthy to be living a lie.  
Vamp:  What?!  Whoa whoa whoa, what the fuck are you talking about?  
Girl: Edmund you don't have to play dumb with me.  The well groomed hair.  The pale skin.  The body glitter…you're gay.  
Vamp:  Gay!?  I'm not gay!  I'm a fucking child of the night!
Girl: So is that what you guys call yourselves now?  
Vamp:  Yes!  I mean No!  Lucifer damnit!  You're not getting it!  I'm a fucking Vampire!  My skin is pale because I can't go into the sun because my skin glistens like diamonds and would expose who I really am to the world!  I climb trees and run really fast!
Girl:  Haha, thats not what vampires do!  You are so funny.  I don't see why Freddy doesn't like you..
Vamp: Jesus Anti-Christ.  Are all high school girls as retarded as you?  
Girl:  Oh!  Gotta go!  My boyfriend Jared just got here.  
(ENTER WOLFMAN)
Jared: (Howls)