Ever have a sh*tty job that you wanted to complain about in a weekly submission-based column named after Blink-182 lyrics? Send your submissions to worksuxiknow[at]gmail.com!
During the summers, I work as a lifeguard at a beach with lots of families and little kids. Kids tend to dive off the dock, despite me telling them not to. Once, even after I told her at least 5 or 6 times, a little girl dove off and hit her head on a rock. No real injury, just a scrape on her forehead. Her dad comes over raging at me anyways. Long story short, I got knocked out cold.
I'm a custodian, and I don't really have any coworkers. The only human interaction I get is from people in passing. They mostly call me Mike, Chris, or Cliff. My name is James.
For a couple of summers, I worked at a soul-crushing gas station with an automatic carwash. One day around 7:00am, some lady bought a code for the wash, then saw that it was closed (because I hadn't moved the sign blocking the entrance all it needs is a customer code to turn on). She proceeded to have a spaz attack on me about it not being open on time. Rather than argue, I ran out, moved the sign, walked in and pretended to flick switches to turn it on. After about a minute, I walked to the backroom of the carwash, then out the exit to avoid her. I looked back to see her entering her code followed by getting out to see if I was still in the wash. She then WALKED INTO THE CARWASH
She had bought the best wash
all the jets at the entrance soaked her.
I am an intern for an office in Congress. I spend at least 6 hours a day being screamed at on the phone by people all around the country about health care. I get screamed at by those for it and against it, I get screamed at for not having the right answer, I get screamed at by people that sound like my grandma which always makes me a little sad. I cannot respond negatively to this abuse so when someone tells me to go f*ck myself the only thing I can say is "have a nice day sir". Did I mention that this is an unpaid internship?
I used to be a server at Ihop. I was the only male that was on this particular morning shift and one of my co-servers asked if I could help her elderly customer to his car. Well apparently he had become very weak during his meal and actually needed to be carried out to his car, which was still ok until half way there. The old man had sh*t his pants while I was carrying him. When I slid him into the front seat of the car some "juice" came out of the top of his pants and onto my arm (I almost puked on him right there). When it was all over with, he said he didn't have any extra money to tip me, but was sure I knew that my good deed was its own reward. I promptly informed him otherwise. He later called to complain to my manager that I was an inconsiderate ass.
Recently I was a server at a chain restaurant. One night this family comes in and this little boy literally has a ten gallon bucket full of those little plastic army dudes. He sets up camp at the table and laid out every single one of his army men around the table, under the table, between the booth seats, on the mantle, on the other side of the mantle, the surrounding tables, I mean everywhere. And oh yes, the family left them all there. Not only that, but he crushed his crayons and smeared them all over the table, finger painted on the wall with his ketchup, and yup, emptied the salt shaker under the table. It took me almost 2 hours to clean it all up. My dickhead manager thought it was hilarious.
I once worked at a large grocery store. Late one night after the store closed, me and a coworker (We'll call him "Scruffy") were shelving a large amount of Pine-Sol. Scruffy ran over my foot with the jack and I reacted in pain, and knocked 10 gallons of Pine-Sol all over the aisle. We quickly realized how freaking awesome this was and had a curling match using large bags of cat litter with 2 other guys. Then the grocery manager walked around the corner into the aisle just as Scruffy sent a 30 pound bag of kitty litter barreling his way. Scruffy was fired. My boss twisted his ankle. His boss got a $5,000 fire department bill. I got a free lunch.