Me: Sigh I really should get on that paper, it's due tomorrow.

Penis: What you should get on…is RedTube.

Me: No Penis, I've gone there every night this week, 5 times is enough. I can take a break.

Penis: Oh come on….just think about all those busty-

Me: Shut up! Just shut up! I seriously need to write this thing. "In the Scarlet Letter, Hester Prynne is a socially outcast young woman who…."

Penis: Oh yeah, Hester Prynne, sounds hot! I bet she was a dirty little whore.

Me: Actually, kinda. See, she was outcast because-

Penis: Pardon me, but I don't give a fuck. I just said she sounded hot. You should see if they've made a porno of the Scarlet Letter.

Me: I highly doubt it.

Penis: Then let's make one. We'll call it "The Scarlet Nutter"!

Me: That is the worst porno name. Ever. Of all time. Fuck you.

Penis: That's my ultimate goal here. But seriously, lose the paper, we've got some wanking to do.

Me: No, I really need to finish this!

Penis: Just think about Hester's sweating body….

Me: Stop, just stop.

Penis: Moaning…. calling your name…

Me: Please, I'm begging you.

Penis: Don't you just want to bone her little whore ass?

Me: opens Facebook Lalalalala I can't hear you! I'll just cruise Facebook until I've got some ideas.

Penis: Oh yeah, look at Jennifer. She's looking mighty fine. Is that her sister? Hot damn!

Me: Damnit, you ruin everything for me! opens e-mail* Oh look, I got an e-mail from-

Penis: You know what G-Mail sounds like? G-SPOT!

Me: Really? Are you that desperate?

Penis: Yes. Completely.

Me: You're pathetic.

Penis: And you're the one not ever getting his dick sucked.

Me: …

*opens YouPorn

Me: …I hate you