Alien cartoon: //www.abovetheinfluence.com/the-ads/default.aspx?home=launchagain
They play it fairly often in Adult Swim.
This commercial is about a stoner who gets treated like shit by some bitch and an alien. The girl, who I assume is his girlfriend, says "not again"(after an arrow labels the fat joint in the stoner's mouth as "weed", for all you idiots who can't recognize a joint). So, not only is she bitching about him smoking in an open space- what appears to be a beautiful yellow clearing in a beautiful yellow forest.. yeah, not trippy, no sir- but we know she has bitched at him for smoking weed BEFORE. Poor stoner, his girlfriend's a total buzzkill bitch. He's in the fucking woods. Everything is yellow. Let him smoke a fucking joint, you soul crushing whore.
Then, an alien comes down. Not trippy! Nope! Just a fucking ALIEN. That's a pretty sweet experience to have whiled stoned, you think? So what does the dude, mystified, awestruck, so full of joy upon being contacted by an extraterrestrial, decide to do? He repeats the same move made by people from every culture for thousands of years- he passes the joint. A gift from the heart and soul of every hash smoking, kif toking, bhang drinking, bud burning bong bubbling motherfucker to ever pass the herb. From an open mind to an open mind, the gift of a fat joint, freshly lit.
But alas, my friends, the alien is a square. He denies himself a new perspective. Not even one hit.
The dude's girlfriend decides it's a good idea to go off into the alien's spaceship and suck his alien dick until he spooges alien fluids all over her whorebitch faceholesuckslut.
smoked attached to skin
gets you stoned slowly drinks your blood
used in modern medicine (surgeons use leeches to keep the blood flowing)
fits in the palm of your hand
not a toaster
Really strong comparison there, you prolapsed anuses. You might as well have made it "H.M.I.T.N.W.A.C.H."- Hitting Myself In The Nuts With A Claw Hammer.
At the end of the commercial, they ask "What could you be convinced to do?" and roll up that question in the World's Shittiest Joint. Every single stoner I have asked about this commercial has said "That joint was really shitty," before anything else. And goddamn, it really is. It looks like they fucking scotch taped it.
What could I be convinced to do? Well, this commercial just convinced me to stick a leech on myself. It looks fun. Everybody's doing it.
Then there's the Pete's Couch commercial. Narrator dude talks about how he smoked weed (HE'S COOL MAN HE SMOKED WEED BEFORE I TRUST HIM WITH MY LIFE DERR I'M GONNA HIT MYSELF IN THE NUTS WITH A CLAW HAMMER) and how he didn't get into a car crash, didn't OD on heroin, didn't do anything. They sat on Pete's couch for eleven hours.
First of all, motherfucker, if you've got some weed that gets you stoned for eleven hours, we should be friends.
Narrator douche goes on to describe dangerous things that can't be done on Pete's couch- driving hard to the rim (which can actually be done on Pete's couch, when you change the meaning of rim), ice-skating with a girl. But if you want to be safe, go over to Pete's and sit on his couch til you're 86. 86?
Narrator cocktwister then tells us, like an empowered 70's woman, that he's going to take his chances in the real world, then walks into a movie theater.
Ok, you festering puddle of diarrhea, I've seen Pan's Labyrinth twice, stoned. I play pickup basketball, stoned. I wander the streets of Cincinnati at night, stoned. I meet women at parties specifically through smoking weed. I love smoking weed. I LOVE IT. I love being high and DOING THINGS. I also love being high and not doing things. Sitting on a couch is a fun experience when you're stoned- but you could be doing pretty much anything. Because you're stoned. And it's wonderful.
There's one more commercial I'd like to chat about- the one with the fat black dude driving a car talking about how his friends smoke and he doesn't. Apparently, he drives them everywhere, chooses where they go to eat, and makes sure they're on time for the parties (where fat car driving motherfucker hits on allllll the ladiessss yeeeaaahhhhh boooyyyyeeeeeeeeeeee). So. Fat driver dude is an enabler. He takes care of his friends, who are apparently so stoned they can't even fucking say anything while their boy talks shit about them in the car, so that they don't have to. He would be pretty sweet if he wasn't such a pompous shithead about it.
So, at The Party, fat black driver dude is the one talking to all the ladies- I can only assume about how he takes care of his stoned friends. He goes on and on about how he drives them around, chooses what movie they're going to see, picks out their clothes, brushes their teeth at night, clips their fingernails, wipes their asses, ties their shoes and sucks his own dick and falls asleep crying every night. After the ladies leave cause they're sick of hearing him bitch about his stoner friends, who are quietly sitting on the couch smiling at the magical world they live in, fat driver dude yells at them to get back in the car.
And that's just how it's gonna be, until HE goes to college, implying his loser friends won't go to college.
Yeah. Cause nobody smokes weed in college.
I'm Above the Influence of these commercials.