OK, so early in the fall I decided to post up a fake ad for a ghost busting position on craigslist.com. I'm an idiot for not saving a copy of the actual ad, but this was the gist of it.

"Looking for a new member to join my ghostbusters team. Black guy already accounted for."

These are the resulting emails.
I decided to keep the names of the people hidden just so I don't end up in any legal trouble or anything. But just ask anybody who knew about this when I was doing this, they will let you know that this is very real.

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1) Between me and Albert C.

Albert C.: whats this about?

Me: Ghost Busting.

AC: lol, yeah, well I can't say that i'm not interested to know more.

Me: What do you know about ectoplasm?

AC: Isn't it the physical representation of ghosts, or their energy? Like the mist of a ghost or 
slime.

Me: Yes, ectoplasm is a thick, black "slime" that appears in the presence of a very powerful entity. You just might be what we are looking for. I have one more question, though. Would you be willing to cross the streams to capture a ultra strong ghost?

AC: if it had to be done.

Me:You certainly do have balls, sir. I like that.
We will probably be doing jobs all over the greater upstate NY area at very late hours of the night. Would this be a problem for you?

AC: no

The conversation stopped here for some reason.
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2) Between Me and Andrew B.

Andrew B.: Hello, I am kind of curious as to what this posting actually means.

Me: This job is exactly how it sounds. I am looking for another member for my team. Are you in?

AB: What exactly does it entail and is the compensation really $100 an hour?

Me: This job entails the busting of ghosts and yes, the compensation is $100 per hour.
Do you have any prior experience in this field?

AB: Well my Wiccan friends used to bring me to their "rituals" and were trying to summon ghosts and would go to alleged haunted places to hunt for ghosts. So I have some experience I guess.

Me: Mhm…You just might be what we're looking for…
I just need to be sure that you are truly qualified for this position. What types of weapons/tools would one use to repel a ghost?

AB:So I'll amuse you for a little while, obviously you would use the same tools that the origional ghost busters used along with Wiccan spells and the such

This is where the conversation stops.
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3) Between Me and Peter F.

Peter F.: hey was hoping u could elaborate on your ad a little more. like for instance are you serious.

Me: Yes, I am very serious. We investigate various sites of paranormal activity. Do you have any experience with the paranormal?

PF: Yes sir I do. My previous apartment was haunted, which opened my mind to the super natural. My best friend's house is also haunted and have experienced a variety or meta physical activity there. I have seen apparitions since my childhood, and my mother and I have the unique ability to see auras. I have experience with spirit boards and seances. I can quote useful parts of the bible that ward off evil spirits and invoke the protection of our holy father. I also have knowledge of the super natural in other, and ancient cultures. I am greatly interested in this field.

Me: I see. This is all very interesting to me and I don't doubt you. However, I have had issues with dishonesty in the past. I hope I don't offend you by asking for anything that could prove to me that you are not just trying to hoodwink me.

PF: in what regard? when it comes to the biblei think mark is a very helpful
book. Any of the stories where Jesus rebukes demons and removes them from
humans would suffice i think. For my personal experiences, when I was a
child (about 10 or 11) my mother was very ill (heart problems) and it was a
dark time of my life. During that time our house was haunted by (what i
believe) to be a demon. I do not like to speak of it, as I believe that
speaking of their evil gives them power, however he would best be described
as a shadow person wearing a hat. I never told anyone about it, until I
lived in my previous haunted apartment. Strange things happened there like
things moving by themselves, lights going on and off, power outages, noises
etc. So i asked my mother if she had ever experienced any ghostly activity.
That is when she told me about the man in the hat who used to stalk her 12
years ago. I instantly went pale as she described the very thing i had
repressed for (at the time) 11 years of my life. Neither my brother nor my
father have ever seen it, or an aura. My mother and I are synaesthetes,
which I believe gives us such insight into the super natural. Do not get me
wrong. I am NOT psychic or anything like that. I just believe that I am more
open to spirits than an average person.

Me: Jeannie Mack! I've heard lots of stories about synaesthetes, but I've never gotten a chance to meet one in person! Have you ever had to use your skills to repel a spirit?

PF: Haha. It's not really all it's cracked up to be. I just associate colors with symbols, letters, and things. Sometimes I'll see random colors in random places, like a splash of green on the white board during class. This has also been scientifically attributed to the seeing of auras, but honestly I don't understand much about auras myself. As for repelling spirits, no I've never done that before. When I actually had to deal with malicious spirits I was too young to know what to do. All I could do was leave the room. I have felt pinned down in my bed before, and I have called on jesus' help, but honestly that was probably just hypnogogia. Please feel free to ask me anything. This is my cell- 555.555.5555 (I won't release his number)

This is where the conversation ended.
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4) Between Me and "Mostafa"

Mostafa: hi can you explain more about this position ,i have a lot of experience and i m a schenectady resident thanks.

Me: I am the leader of a team of professional ghost hunters. We call ourselves "Ghost Busters". Unfortunately, we recently lost one of our members to Swine Flu while we were still working on a job. We still need to finish this job, so I posted this listing.
I would like to know more about your experience.

M: ok i got ya now , i actually im a big fan of ghost hunters ( the taps ) , ghost adventures (travel channel ) i do believe in ghosts , i had some bad experiences with them ( i had some poltergeist activity in my old house , i got slapped in the face , i heard very clear voice telling me to leave them in peace , i heard singing etc )years ago even before watching these shows , or knowing about the paranormal , im glad this field is growing day after day , you see even different shows on tv , people started to understand more about the other side and that we dont live alone , my professional experiences? i dont have any in your field , but i do know about the evps , k2meters etc since im a huge fan of the paranormal , i dont miss any of these shows , i even watch them again and again and never get tired of`em , i would like to learn about the paranormal.

I didn't know how to respond to this…
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5) Between Me and Ted J.

Ted J.: Good morning, I have my own Proton Pack and several ghost traps, and I'm not black. When would this position be available?

Me: I'm sorry, but I don't have time to deal with hooligans such as yourself. My team and I take this job very seriously. We don't use "Proton Packs" like in that movie. We use ferrous objects and rock salt to hunt paranormal entities.

TJ: Well in that case, I would not want to work with you. Using halite as a defense mechanism against paranormal entities is quite ineffective when compared to more modern approaches. Maybe they don't teach that at Union…Furthermore, you may want to consider using EMF detectors, quartz, and various other materials, rather than just limiting yourself to ferrous metals. 

Me: I would like to point out that I am a professor at Union College. I teach the class, Parapsychology and U. I am aware of these newer techniques and I do utilize many of them. However, I prefer to use more conventional methods when investigating the paranormal. I feel that if I were to hire you, we would always butt heads. Every classic team needs to have the resistant and disruptive member. Maybe this is what my team was missing all these years. Congratulations, Mr. Jones! You have just qualified for the semi-final round of eliminations for this position!

TJ: A professor, eh? I have a striking suspicion that you are not a professor and are in fact a student. Class of about 2012, I would imagine, or maybe even 2013…

Me: I am most certainly not a student here. I am a new professor however. This is my first year here. Are you still up for the job?

TJ: Oh, well I apologize for my false assumption. Of course I am still up for the job!

I didn't want to tell him that he got the job because I'm pretty sure that would be illegal…
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6) Between Me and Steph D.

Steph D.: I would like to be a ghost buster can you tell me more about it???

Me: Yes I can! I am the leader of paranormal investigation team called "Ghost Busters". We check out sites of paranormal activity and then it is our duty to oust anything supernatural from these places.
I have just one question: How much can you bench?

SD: umm i didnt know you have to be strong to bust ghost? maybe i just dont understand the question

Me: Yes, you have to be immensely strong to bust ghosts. When I max out, I can bench about 430lbs.

SD: wow i dont know how much i can bench sorry look like i dont qulify sorry for waisting your time

This is where the conversation ends.
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7) Between Me and "Drewzilla"

Drewzilla: Hello, I saw your listing for a ghost buster needed. I beleive I would be a good fit for your company. Unfortionatly I do not currently have experience as a ghost buster, I do however have many other skills that could be of use to you. Skills are listed below this, I'm not sure why I am pointing this out as I'm sure you would have figured it out on your own.

1.) I am very good at cooking, ghost busting is hard work and I'm sure you guys know you gotta eat sometime. I make bangin fra diavlo sauce with shrimp over linguine.

2.) I am pretty lazy- I know, that doesn't sound good, but somebody has to stay back, right? No ghost will out the back door with me gaurding it.

3.) I am very talented when it comes to aquiring photos of boobs/vagina from girls on AIM, craigslist (are you a chick btw? tits?) and other internet sites- not so much in real life as I am over 400 pounds and smell like the boston fish market on a sunny afternoon

4.) I am very good at multitasking. Just this morning I was brushing my teeth, listening to pandora radio, taking a shit, and masturbating all at the same time.

5.) I saw paranormal activity over the weekend

6.) I did not sleep that night



Please respond ASAP, if I do not respond please be understanding as I am homeless and using a library computer.

Regaurds,

Drewzilla

I did not respond…
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I left out a lot of other conversations, but I decided to only show you guys the best ones! hahahaha

Yeah Buddy!
-Dank