This is a new segment on MikeFeeneyOnline.com. It takes you inside the mind of the topic in discussion. This week's "Seriously Sarcastic" is directed to:
OK first off, let me just start by complementing you on your AWESOME clothing/overall style. I LOVE the vintage tee shirts and acid washed ripped jeans; your family must have passed them down to you. Wait, what? They are not vintage at all? They were purchased in the mall?! Well, $30 for a vintage tee shirt sounds pretty reasonable to me and how could I afford NOT to spend $135 on acid washed skinny jeans with holes already put in them?! It will save me so much time not having to worry about when the fabric will eventually wear down and give me that cool, NATURALLY ripped look. And I have ALWAYS wanted those black rimmed glasses! Just like you, my hero growing up was MTV's "Daria". SO much cooler than contacts (who would even be able to see my creativity and individuality otherwise?) and only $400 for a pair of frames! I would have thought twice, but it was also in the mall (the vision kiosk), so two birds, one stone!
So I have bought all of these items but something is still missing why aren't I cool yet? OF COURSE! It makes perfect sense! I have to move to Park Slope, Brooklyn! That way, I can safely assume and declare that P.S. is the best place in the entire world to live. And since I have little to no travel experience, I must be safe in assuming that!
Still, no one is buying it. They know I am a tool and a loser. It MUST be because I am not participating in semi-social situations. I guess I will have to take that acoustic guitar I bought at WalMart and start doing some Open Mics at some cool basement coffee shops. I also am taking the time to discover some local bands. "The Day-Old Muffinettes" are my new favorite band (inspired by something they bought while in a basement coffee shop). It's just two people with acoustic guitars who talk very low into the microphone about rain and loneliness but MAN can they captivate an audience; the other day I saw all thirteen seats at the coffee shop filled! Their sound is so completely different and better than any other band, musician, performer, or artist that ever lived because they are from Park Slope. Furthermore, anyone that doesn't know them is too "mainstream" to listen.
Damn, the life of an indie kid is . AMAZING!