As a child I was terrified of my windows.  I was certain a horrifying, armed man with red eyes was going to break in my window while I slept.  Naturally, as I grew I realized this fear was irrational, but a new, very justified, fear of windows has replaced it since arriving at ASU.  Not all windows send frightened tremors down my spine – only the first floor windows.  Sure they let in natural light and make dorm rooms feel a little less like a prison cell, but even these benefits cannot outweigh the legitimate concerns created by these ground-level windows.  For the mental well being of the residents of ASU dorm rooms, all windows on the first floor should be boarded up, and soon.

First floor windows in and of themselves are not the issue, except for the occasions they serve as stages for the free shows put on by students who accidentally forgot to close the blinds.  It is the combination of drunken college students and sidewalks close to the windows that is the real cause for concern.  Apparently alcohol creates some powerful magnetic attraction between drunks and any nearby glass. It must be one of those forces of nature like the one that draws kids in their “fancy” clothes to the nearest mud puddle.  Once they reach the window, drunken students will inevitably do something disgusting to it.  These less than classy acts are the source of some serious terror for the residents of first floor rooms.  Since it is unlikely that the alcohol problem will go away, and since the buildings cannot be moved farther from the sidewalks, it is the windows that have to go.      

            I did not witness the first of the window “incidents,” but saw first-hand the trauma and scarring it induced.  Poor Nick was alone in his room, diligently working on his steadily growing mound of homework.  He was in his zone, so much that he didn’t immediately register the tapping.  As the noise grew louder, Nick realized the window was its source.  He glanced to the window just in time to see a slightly inebriated young man smash a freshly unwrapped Taco Bell burrito on the pane.  Once the horrid deed was done the culprit ran away giggling and squealing like a little girl.  The effects of that night linger with Nick, just as the taco residue clings to the glass of his window.  That drunken kid and window have forever changed Nick.  He can no longer enjoy the treat of Taco Bell, or hear the playful laugh of a young girl without painful flashbacks to that night. 

            Sadly, I was present for the second of the dreadful window events.  We were gathered in that same first floor room for an innocent birthday celebration, when low-and-behold, some drunken girls approached the window.  They stumbled toward the glass cackling and clinging to each other to remain upright.  When they reached the window they said in voice that would never belong to someone sober, “Do you smoke weed? Haha!”  We all stared quizzically at the girls, and when they received no response but our awkward glances, they proceeded to slowly and continuously lick the window.  Once they had thoroughly coated the glass with slobber their next step was to draw hearts in the moisture they left on the glass.  It was absolutely repulsive!

That scene is permanently etched in my brain.  I often awake in the night perspiring, gasping for breath, and trying to clear my head of the awful images racing through my brain.  I owe these unpleasant evenings to the recollection of that fateful night.  It was all because of the drunks and the darn window.  My psychological health is in serious trouble after the violation of seeing those tongues on that window.  Not even happy-birthday-brownie-celebrations are safe from the horror of assaults through window panes.  Windows within the reach of the drunken students on the sidewalk are a major issue, and unless there is a psychologist at the heath service who specializes in the kind of trauma caused by watching drunks defile windows, ASU needs to protect its residents by getting rid of those gateways to horror.  None of us want to be the next victim of a Taco Bell or tongue assault inspired by a nearby window.