Dating someone? Well great! Send your craziest, funniest, most embarrassing dating related stories to me using this cool automatic submission form!

 

When I just started masturbating I knew you had to use lotion, but that is all I knew.  So, when I heard the saying, “slapping the salami,” I took it very serious.  I would sit in my bathroom, lotion up my hands, and then slap my penis.  It took me about two weeks to find out I was an idiot.

-Mike, Eastern

 

My ex-girlfriend played soccer in HS and a little in college. She would complain because her boobs were too big that they'd get in the way when she'd run. She would also complain how her boobs were too small.

-Anonymous

 

One time my girlfriend got mad at me because I was eating a meatloaf sandwich too close to her.

-Anonymous

 

I lost my virginity to some random chick I brought home from the bar the night I shaved my beard into a soul patch because I lost a bet to my roommate.

-Matt

The other day my girlfriend of one year had maintenance come to her apartment because her refrigerator smelled bad.
-Tim

 

I tagged along with my older sister and her collegiate boyfriend to a job interview at a local pub. She's filling out the application form bragging that the manager thinks she is hot and so she's sure she's going to get hired. I glance over at the application and in the section that says "In case of emergency please call" she'd written "911". 

-Sarah

 

One year for my birthday, my now ex-boyfriend gave me a Mario Party game for the Wii.  This would have been fine except I don't own a Wii nor do I ever play video games. He then proceeded to tell me that he bought it so I could keep myself occupied while he worked on his papers for class because I was inconveniencing him when I was at his place.

-Mary, NY

 

I am eight months pregnant, and my fiancé refuses to have sex with me. Not because I am no longer attractive, but because "The baby will know what's going on."

-Anonymous

 

And the “Fakest submission I’ve ever gotten” Award goes to:

I was with my girlfriend one night about to do it, but I found out I didn't have any condoms. She proceeded to take her gum out of her mouth and put it on. It worked, the only problem was getting the gum out of my pubic hair after…ouch
-Patrick, UWindsor