It's been an entire week since your last confession and there's been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don't forget to submit your misdeeds to our submission page!
IMPORTANT COLUMN UPDATE: There's now a character max of 1000 on Roommate Confession submissions. A lot of submissions are super funny, but very long (like Anonymous from Bucknell University below) and you know as well as I do that no one likes reading.
Maria S from UT
Either my roommate or her boyfriend stole 300 dollars from me so I kicked her out. Before she came to get any of her stuff I cut the supporting part of the seams in all of her clothes. That way they would stay on when she wears them but fall apart when she washes them. She went out drinking the night after I gave her her stuff back and I guess such she is such a fat ass her jeans split from hip to ankle on the inner and outer seams while she was drinking at the bar and since she was wasted she didn't notice 'til an hour later. My only regret is not being there to witness it, but I did get to see pictures!
Heather D from University of Oregon
Remember spring quarter of freshman year when my girlfriend broke up with and all day and night I would have to listen to you talking on your phone with your girlfriend in that annoying voice telling her how much you love her? And remember when our suitemates decided everyone was going to get completely smashed one weekend? After everyone was passed out I moved one of the girls so she was lying on top of you and positioned her body so her hand was down your pants and she was kissing your cheek. Then I proceeded to use one of our other roommate's facebook to upload the picture and tag you knowing your girlfriend was on facebook at the time and trying to get ahold of you all night on your phone that mysteriously disappeared. Nice black eye you gave him, he was an ass too. I also took the liberty of taking all 40-50 pictures of her on your computer and phone dressed in nice little outfits (if she was wearing anything at all that is) and use them about every other day. And by the way once your girlfriend (well ex-girlfriend) found out she needed someone to talk to someone so I invited her over when you were home for the weekend.
Kingsley S. from OSU
After me and girlfriend broke up (we were 19) she came to my house, without my permission, used the "spare" key to let herself in, and literally destroyed my room, looking for things that belonged to her. Needless to say, I was pissed off. But to my dismay, she didn't remember to grab my copy of her car keys. So, after drinking 1 quart of milk (I am seriously lactose intolerant), I found her car, and took the meanest,
ugliest, most fowl, eye melting crap in the backseat of her car. Then I pissed in her heating vent. Sweet justice.
The first time I had sex with your boyfriend was when you were at the hospital visiting your uncle. Remember when you told me to tell him so he wouldn't have to come over to fuck? I didn't tell him, instead, being the paranoid perfectionist I am, I let him come over, I handed him a soda with 2 ground up tablets of Viagra in them just to make sure he was hot, and then I let him fuck the hell out of me. That's what you get for being drunk all the time, never cleaning your shit, and hardly paying for any of the food you eat and always telling me I had no life. Your bfs great in bed btw.
Freshman year, I lived in an apartment with 2 random guys at the off campus dorm. They were both great guys, but one wanted to live closer to school so he applied for a transfer and got accepted. Before he moved out, my other room mate and I filled every single possession he owned with rice. Shoes, pant & shirt pockets, suits, socks, his backpack & suitcase, DVD cases, glasses case, deodorant, shampoo, pillow cases, etc. Four years later I still get texts from him when he finds grains of rice in his stuff.
Dan from McGill
Freshman year of college my roommate and I lived below these really annoying girls. Almost every night at about 2 a.m. it would sound like they were bowling in their room. Naturally, we asked them to refrain from doing what they were doing so late at night, and we were told off many times. One night it got really bad. I went up and tried to burst into their room to find out what it was they were doing, but the door was locked. I angrily, yet politely, asked them to stop what they were doing. Of course, this only made matters worse. So my roommate and I came up with a plan for revenge. Through numerous tests we estimated the amount of time it took to walk to the stairwell from our door. At 6 a.m. the following Saturday morning, when the RA on duty was too hungover to do anything, my roommate and I used a large bucket and special soundproof foam we purchased online to create a special weapon. We put a boombox in the bucket and placed the bucket to the ceiling wrapped in blankets for extra sound protection. We blasted heavy metal through the ceiling to create a pleasant wake-up call for their hangovers. When we heard the door of the room above us slam we waited the estimated amount of time and assumed that they were in the stairwell, where they could not hear the music anymore. At this time, we paused the music, hid the assembly, turned off the lights, and pretended that we were sleeping. A few seconds later there was a knock at the door and we opened it to find them satisfyingly hungover and pissed off. We were of course blamed for it but we acted as if we had no idea what they were talking about. Once our door closed we set up the assembly again and waited for the sound of their slamming door. We blasted the music again and again through the ceiling until they began waking other people up and asking around to see if anyone knew what it was. Since the assembly was soundproof we could barely hear it in our own room, so no one on the hall knew what they were talking about and possibly thought they were crazy. We had so much fun we did it again on Sunday morning.
Anonymous from Bucknell University
I live in a house with three other guys. My one roommate is probably the smelliest, creepiest, most annoying person ever. He can't cook other than in the microwave, eats my food, and has the worst body odor no matter how many times he showers. It's so bad that I spray him with Febreeze so he will get the idea. He never figures it out, so one day we threw him in a glass-encased shower and held the door closed and threw a firecracker in the shower with him. I hope he moves out.
Danny G from Brock University
Once you confronted me about a puddle of brownish pinkish water in the bathroom and asked me if I was on the rag. I was on the pill at the time. I said no and left to get some paper towels. When I came back the puddle was gone and my grey hoodie was now brown. I didn't say anything at the time but everytime you use your gilette razor know that the night before it was in service mowing my carpet.
Syracuse Pickles from AAU
And the award for cautionary submission
My roommate next year is one of my friends, he recently sent me a text saying, "we thought of something that can probably get me in Roommate Confessions but still cause relatively minimal damage." In the hopes that he sees this and considers this "good enough" and forestalls his "brilliant idea" I humbly ask you to post this on the next Roommate Confessions.
Bryant H from UHM