Ever have a sh*tty job that you wanted to complain about in a weekly submission-based column named after Blink-182 lyrics? Send your submissions here.
I work as a concierge at a fancy retirement home, so I'm running in and out of people's rooms a lot. The other day I went into a resident's room to give him some paperwork and he was sitting about 8 feet away from his big-screen TV watching soft-core porn with binoculars. He didn't seem to mind me witnessing this and signed the papers without even turning off the TV.
I used to work at a Rainforest Cafe. On a weekly basis, grown men and women would ask me if the animatronic crocodiles, tigers, and elephants were real. One lady actually threw a fit and yelled at me because "I was creating an unsafe environment for children. The crocodile WILL escape." She had to speak to the manager to be assured the animals were machines.
-Billy, Towson University
I work at a Chipotle/ Qdoba/ Moe's burrito joint. One night a seemingly normal man ordered a chicken burrito to go. When it came time to pay he confidently attempted to pay for his meal with a VHS copy of "Fever Pitch" The case was also missing.
-Sean, University of Cincinnati
I work at a summer camp and one day I was trying to convince one of my 3 year old kids that I was his sister just as a little joke. He looked at me and said "You aren't my sister because you're not a girl! Girls are supposed to have boobies!" I am a girl.
-Francey, Ontario, Canada
I work in a relatively 'scummy' bar. The other day a woman heavily pregnant came to the bar asking for a 'very strong drink'. I calmly asked her if she should be drinking a 'strong' drink rather than one without alcohol. She just replied, "Well, I'm drinking for two."
I work overnight at a convenience store. One night a guy came up to the counter with his purchase, looked at me, said "Looks like someone's going to be due, huh Mommy?!" and proceeded to reach over the counter and give my stomach a little rub. I'm not pregnant.
Today at work, an 80 year old woman demanded to exchange her Sacagawea dollar for a Susan B. Anthony dollar. The reason? She said, "I don't want a Mexican on my money!"
-Vince L., Mizzou