What is a grenade? A grenade is not a personal handheld explosive device. A grenade is a person who is usually a female (but can also be male as well) and is the friend of the girl (or guy) of the person you are trying to pick up. They are explosive, irrational, angry and possibly sloppy drunk individuals who are ticking time bombs that could blow up into a catastrophic temper tantrum at any moment. They are the deal breakers, downsides, sexual intercourse blockers and crazy friends that no one likes or wants to deal with. Luckily they are also the responsibility of your wing(wo)man. Beware grenades -also known as grenade launchers- are extremely hostile in nature and their sole purpose in going out is to make everyone’s life miserable.
How can you tell if someone is a grenade? There are certain characteristics that can be observed very easily so you can avoid a situation. Grenades are typically less attractive friends, they are the ones who do not laugh at your jokes and respond with blunt rude statements. They can range in all shapes, races, and sizes but they all explode into something a hydrogen bomb dreams about. They will be the ones who point out your flaws and the ones who make sarcastic unfunny statements that accomplish nothing but ruining a night. If your wing(wo)man asks them to dance they will say no and more than likely put a hand in your face and then turn around in an as if manner creating what us GTL’ers call a situation. When picking up your desired sex look around at their friends, if you see one that seems jealous, bitter, unhappy, and or is continually saying let’s go; beware, you’ve got yourself a grenade and a situation on your hands.
If you are a logical thinking human being, then grenades are something you do not under any circumstances want to run into. Therefore you should avoid things like nightclubs, bars and the jersey shore as those are where the grenade population are most dense. If you do feel the need to venture out into the battlefields of Seaside or other places discussed than remember at all times to stay on the lookout for these terrifying individuals. However if you want to play it safe and keep your day from being one pin pull away from disaster than try to keep to less populated areas that do not serve alcohol places like: libraries, art museums, bingo halls, Utah, elementary schools, high tea, ballets The Masters (provided Tiger Woods is not there). Keeping to these places may not only save you some grief but also a Friday night.
Sometimes in your quest for a great weekend you may have to take some risks which may lead to finding yourself in a situation with a short fused explosive person. If this happens there is a ninety nine point nine nine percent chance your evening will be ruined by the grenade’s complaining, insults, and overall lack of class. Resulting in an angry you, an even angrier wing(wo)man and an insanely bad/wasted night. Remember when dealing with grenades its best to handle with care and run away as fast as possible as soon as the pin is pulled.
And remember GTL all day every day.