Congratulations! You graduated college. That's quite an accomplishment. Now you're ready to pursue a career in the field you've always dreamed about. But, uh oh, the economy is in the toilet and there aren't any jobs. Looks like you can't be an astronaut just yet. For now, perhaps you should pursue an exciting career as a(n):

Ideal Major: Education
Job Competition: Peppy High School Kids
Why it's Perfect for You: Being a camp counselor is all the fun parts of being a teacher, without all that boring learning. It's like your dream job, if your dream job included working for minimum wage.

 

Ideal Major: Engineering
Job Competition: Douchy High School Kids
Why it's Perfect for You: People that work in these kinds of places tend to act like they're smarter than everyone else. You are smarter than everyone else, so at least you'll be justified. Plus, sweet discounts on gadgets.

 

Ideal Major: Communications
Job Competition: Unemployed people that didn't go to college
Why it's Perfect for You: You're not qualified for anything better.

 


Ideal Major: Science
Job Competition: Scarier drug dealers
Why it's Perfect for You: I've learned one thing from Breaking Bad; scientists make the best drugs. You can make so much money that you'll never need to pursue a legitimate science career, if you don't mind committing murder every once in a while.

 

Ideal Major: Business
Job Competition: Stay at home parents whose kids have grown up
Why it's Perfect for You: All that time you spent learning the finer points of finance will make photocopying and entering data into a spreadsheet seem like a piece of cake. Think of it as a way to get your foot in the door. Spend five years making coffee and in 30 more years you'll be running the place.

 

Ideal Major: Psychology
Job Competition: Other Psychology Majors
Why it's Perfect for You: You can't get a good job in psychology without a graduate degree, even when the economy isn't sh*tty.

 

Ideal Majors: English, History, Political Science, Pre-Law
Job Competition: Everyone that went to college and realized they couldn't make any money with their degree, and a few people genuinely interested in law, but not many
Why it's Perfect for You: What else are you going to do? Might as well be a lawyer.

 

Ideal Majors: Computer Science Majors
Job Competition: Other siblings, home exercise equipment. Your parents only have so much money and space, and the treadmill has to go somewhere
Why it's Perfect for You: The more time you spend in your room, the harder your parents will think you're working. You can play World of Warcraft all day. The less your parents understand the Internet, the longer you can keep it up. The only downside is that eventually your dad will tell you that he's "very disappointed in you."




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