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I just had to explain to my boyfriend what a hipster is.
So last year my girlfriend at that time wrote a list of 20 places she wanted to rail on a mirror in her room. Every time we accomplished one of these feats, she would cross it off the list. About 3 months later, most of the places were checked off, including the bathroom, kitchen, and car. Her Dad saw the list, and easily derived what it was referring to. He mentioned how disgusted he was with the fact we did it in those areas of his house at dinner one night.
My girlfriend of exactly 2.5 years and I decided to go on a date to celebrate getting past a rough spot in our relationship. Being fresh out of High School, I was thriving off of graduation money that was tied up in a bank account with only a check book to pay for the dinner and a movie that we planned on seeing. When we arrived to the movie theater, I attempted to pay for the tickets via check; unfortunately the movie theater did not accept checks, so my girlfriend paid for the movie. After the movie we decided to go to a high class restaurant and dine on a good meal. After the dinner was devoured and the bill arrived, we discovered that this establishment would not accept checks either. My girlfriend, also thriving off graduation money, had to pay for the dinner. On our way to our vehicles we started discussing where we at in our relationship.
At this moment I decided to tell her that I was still unhappy and wanted to break-up. My now ex-girlfriend had just taken me out on a celebration date and spent 75 dollars on the night only to lose her boyfriend. That fall we both attended the same private school university where she decided to extract revenge on me by sleeping with my best friend and giving me a STD during a late night booty call. Awesome
In high school my now ex-gf and I used to be frisky as rabbits. One day after school ended we went back to her empty house to "hang out" for a while. Once we got to the house we immediately went to my ex's room, locked the door (an important part of the story later), started making out, taking off each other's clothes the usual stuff. Ten minutes into the frenzy we heard the very obvious sound of a door opening and slamming shut. Thinking we had nothing to worry about since the door was locked, I proceed to take off her underwear leaving her butt-ass naked and me in boxers. Literally seconds after this there is a flurry of footsteps right outside her door and then the door bursts open from someone putting their shoulder into it. At this point I'm thinking I'm dead because her dad is a black-belt/Air Force Colonel super soldier and I'm about to have my dick snapped off and thrown out the window. Instead, I look up to see her ten year old younger sister. What followed was the most awkward five second Mexican-standoff; my ex's little sister staring at both of us, my ex laying on the bed completely naked, and me laying on her bed with the most glorious pitched tent ever. Needless to say my ex's sister ran out of the room crying, she grabbed a blanket to cover up and go console her, and I was left laying there wondering how a little girl could slam through a door lock.
After a busy week of work and school I decided to treat my girlfriend and I to a romantic weekend at a nice hotel on the coast. I am a recent college grad and I was feeling the need to get crazy, so I shaved my beard into a killer mustache, headed to the beach, and started pounding drinks from the excessively large booze supply I had purchased. After several hours of creeping out high school spring breakers and taking pulls from a margarita bucket, my girlfriend and I started getting frisky and went back to the hotel to fool around. I was feeling the effects of several beers and 3/4 of a bottle of tequila, but miraculously everything was still working downstairs so we started going at it. I got on top of her with her legs over my shoulders, and we both really started getting into it. Typically I can't last much longer than a minute when we go at it hard and fast, but my level of intoxication was allowing me to give a herculean effort that particular day so I start going as hard and fast as I could. Without knowing I had pushed her to the edge of the bed and right when I was starting to climax I suddenly felt her body slide over the edge. I was holding onto her, so I lost my balance too and started tipping over the side. I hit the ground and rolled into the desk, so when I stopped my head and shoulders were on the ground, and my butt was leaning up against the desk, and my legs were curled over the top of me. I had smashed my head, bruised my butt, and jizzed all over myself, with a ridiculous mustache. Then instead of asking if I was ok, my girlfriend bursts into hysterical laughter and nearly pees herself.
My girlfriend is currently playing my GTA IV and is following all road rules and says sorry to every car/person she hits.