Today is the longest day in Morris O’Brian’s life. And he used to be married to Chloe, so there ya go.
The early afternoon opens with traffic conditions remaining relatively calm in post-apocalyptic Los Angeles, and McCarthy and Nikki Ziering trying to take Morris to Fayed. They are rapidly found and followed by Jack in a helicopter, but they lose him under the I-10 interchange.
McCarthy feels pretty smart about this, plus the fact that he gets Fayed to agree to pay him $7 million, but feels a lot stupider when Nikki blows his haggis all over the driver’s-side door with his own gun.
However, Nikki, for her part, actually is stupider than McCarthy. Her plan is to drop off Morris and for Fayed to just let her go. Nikki, come on, everyone who works for Fayed winds up exploded or shot. When Morris refuses to arm the nukes, he gets the shit whacked out of him for awhile, and eventually caves when Fayed drills through his fucking shoulder blade with a drill and shoots Nikki dead. While CTU closes in, Morris makes a device for Fayed to arm the nukes.
In the final analysis, is Morris an idiot, a puss, or both? I’m not bashing him for giving in after getting a hole drilled in him, that ain’t right. But lookit, they need you to arm nuclear weapons, they’re obviously not going to kill you. So where’s the escape attempt when all you have to deal with is Nikki Z? 24 wouldn’t show the part where Nikki uncuffs Morris from the little coat hanger thing, takes him out of the car, and forces him into Fayed’s shitty apartment building. Why not? Because he could have just run down the street screaming and saved millions of lives. You suck, Morris. Chloe was right to bitch-slap you.
Luckily, Jack does not suck. After craftily pulling a fire alarm and shooting everyone in Fayed’s apartment but Morris in the face with a shotgun, he finds out that Fayed is gone and a nuclear weapon is about to go off in the breakfast nook. Chloe tells him how to disarm it, so that’s two bombs down, three to go. Be on the lookout for a bald, pissed-off looking Greek guy with three suitcases, most likely talking on a cell-phone.
Still not quite sure what Buchanan’s job is. He basically answers the phone, asks Jack and Chloe to take care of everything, and hangs out with Nadia. It’s pretty cush.
Back at the executive basement, fascism suffered a setback over lunch when President Palmer refused to arrest all the Muslims, which further alienates an obviously drunk Powers Boothe, still in full-on Sin City mode as a rather brusque and surly Vice President. The move also leaves Frodo Hitler and Bilbo Mussolini to kvetch about how everything has gone to shit. Chad Lowe, taking orders from another white guy in a suit, tries to get Lennox on board with killing Palmer, and they eventually meet in an electrical closet or something. I assume that if they got caught, their cover would have been that they were doin’ it. Anyway, Lennox plays along, but he’s obviously tape-recording the whole thing. So who knows. Meanwhile, Palmer is trying to get Al-Assad to tell all the Muslims to turn in Fayed, and Al-Assad tells Palmer to be paranoid of everyone.
At CTU, the trail goes cold until Marilyn tells Jack about Graham meeting with some Russians, which is huge because Milo found out that “Boris the Blade”
Gredenko, the Russian general who brought the nukes over, is crazy and more involved than previously believed. I like Marilyn because she’s kept in shape, she’s actually quite helpful, and she isn’t particularly bothered by the idea of Jack murdering her husband. Graham had quite a slide down the drain, no? Last season he was telling the President over the phone to blow his brains out, and he was going to do it. Today, he’s just another dork who gets pissed on all day by his wife, eventually dying by lethal injection in his own game room. Whatever. Anyway, Marilyn is off to help Jack find Boris’ house, but Jack’s dad diverts her to a different house by threatening to kill Lil’ Kim. When Jack and his team bust into the house, it explodes, killing most of the crew (not Jack). Milo and Marilyn flee the scene, pursued by Jack’s dad’s goons. Props to Milo for some kickass driving.
Proposed Kimeo: When Nikki Ziering shoots McCarthy, a stray shot could have ricocheted, smashing a goldfish bowl being carried by a surprised Kim, who may or may not have been wearing board shorts.
Most awesome moment we didn’t get to see: When Jack’s 85-year old, 7-foot dad checked into an LA motel with Marilyn’s twelve-year old son, we did not get to see the horrified, creeped-out expressions on the faces of everyone in the hotel reception area.