RANDOM THOUGHT 002: “Fuck You Lollipop Guild”


When you see a midget around town, or at the beach, or at the office most people are confronted with one of two feelings, yet never both.


Feeling #1: You feel bad for the misfortune that has been bestowed on the little guy to have been born into a little person’s body.


Feeling #2: You have the urge to laugh your ass off at that chode-bodied little fucker.


Revelation Time: If you picked the first one, congratulations. You’re officially the Andre the Giant of sensitive pussy bitches. Go ahead, laugh your ass off at the little fucker! No, it’s not inhumane…reason being: Midgets are not human. Plain and simple. You wouldn’t feel bad for a spider, or a dog, or a penguin JUST for being who they are in making webs for pigs, eating their own shit, or….just being a fucking penguin would you? Fuck no. The idea that people have always just assumed that midgets are human not only perplexes me but it offends me as well. A midget is a species of its own. Proof you ask? How many other species occasionally shit out a baby that grows up to be half the size it should be, has a big ass head, bowed legs, and creepy sausage-fingers. ZERO, mother fuckers….ZERO. These tricky little fucks have figured out how to manipulate the human race into believing that they are one of us just to reap the benefits that come with being a human:

         1. Healthcare


         2. Minimum wage jobs


         3. Hookers


         4. The privilege of driving


         5. Shitting in toilets


         6. and most off all the right to own/operate a facebook profile.


Similar to any other species there are different variations of midgets. You have “little people”, Munchkins, Dwarves, Trolls, Oompa Loompas, and of course Danny Devito. All more cunning and deceptive than the next. To think for all these years people thought monkeys were the second smartest species on this planet when it was the god damn midget the whole time. Well played midget……well played.