It's been an entire week since your last confession and there's been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don't forget to submit your misdeeds to our submission page!
David W from UNCG
I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me, so when he flew home for Christmas break, I wrapped a Qur'an and a box-cutter in paper, tied a pretty bow around the box, and told him to open up my present on the plane.
I had this roommate that was cool but would turn on the AC and/or keep the windows open in January, and watched TV until midnight even though I'm an insomniac. But I was fine with this because hypothermia and insomnia builds character. But then his girl friend came over. She basically told me that I was going to hell because I was not following Jesus the right way, and because I have not taken a purity pledge (I didn't want to tell her that it was too late). I decided that she needed to be taken down a notch. I went to a local abortion clinic and bribed a nurse for some stationary. I then wrote post-op letter telling her not to have sex for 2 more weeks because it could could cause post-op complications. Well her mom picked up the letter and my roommate dropped out, and my insomnia got a little better in a warm, dark, silent room.
Over the weekend I was on leave from the Army and was visiting home. While home my younger brother introduced my to his smoking hot girlfriend who just graduated from high school. He later confessed to me in private that he has not gotten any action from her but wanted to and asked me for some advice. Being a good brother a told him a few things that always helped me and sent him on his merry way. Mom and Dad were out
of the house and I was watching a movie and drinking a lot of beer when she came downstairs in her underwear saying my brother chickened out and asked if I wanted to 'fill her in.' The next morning he said he was embarrassed because he chickened out, I told him it was ok and she was not upset. I know I'm a bastard, but he is young with many more opportunities. Sorry little bro!
Older Brother from US Army
In college I had a housemate that thought that he would save 4 bucks by making his own stink bait. 1. He used my $9 package of chicken. 2. He put it in the utility closet to "rot". 3. He used it and it didn't work. So I was pissed because he used my premium chicken, stunk up my coats, and all for nothing. So, I decided to take a picture of him sleeping and put thought bubbles over his head, as if he were dreaming. Yeah, all over campus there were pictures of him dreaming of men, guys having sex with animals, extremely large women, and one that said "Cowboys butts drive me nuts!". Also, whenever he would dance with a good looking girl at the bar, I would punch him in the bag and take the girl. Life's a bitch when you fuck with me, you cocksucker!
Justin P. from WIU
I lived in a house with three girls and one of them was a narcissistic JAP. None of us liked her, especially after she yelled at us to be quiet in the kitchen, which was right beside her room, at 11am because she was sleeping. She never cleaned anything, and complained about how messy everyone else was. She frequently accused us of stealing food out of her refrigerator because she forgot she ate it. I was really sick of being bitched at for no reason, so on her 21st birthday when we went out I let her drink as much as she wanted, and she really wanted to do 21 shots, and bought her a couple of tequila shots at the end of the night after she was already blackout. I left her at a house party with a guy who was in to her. She hates him and talks about how much he gets around. The next morning I enjoyed hearing about how she had puked on her $170 dress and hooked up with the sleazy guy. Sorry I am such a terrible friend.
Nicole S. from Miami University (of Ohio)
Remember how you constantly locked me out of the room to have sex with every boy on campus? And that time I had to sleep in your new boyfriend's bed for a week because he was sleeping in yours? I do. That's why I told his gf of 2 years he was cheating on her, and I moved out three days later. Before I moved out, though, here's the final list of everything you may or may not have discovered once I left: open safety pin & needle in your bed; used your hairbrush to brush nasty carpet; threw your stuff around room; used your makeup hair dryer hairbrush & deodorant; erased messages; hairsprayed your bed; emptied hair products & filled w water; realized it wasn't just water, but salt water; put incense all over your bed and new carpet; emptied lotion; emptied hair product contents into shoe bin where you kept your shit and in your mattress; emptied foundation; donated spare cell to local women's shelter I'm just sorry I never got around to slashing your tires, but hey, there's always
J.R. from JC
You are the biggest cunt ever. You rubbed the fact that you had way more money than me in my face everyday, called me lazy and a slut in front of other people, you flashed my boyfriend on purpose (he said your tits were the nastiest, saggiest things he's every seen and he's traumatized) and most importantly, the only 2 people you fucked since coming to college are a) my 2 best guy friends b) both guys I've fucked. you don't think that's weird. you're dating one of them now, and you tell him you "love him". Which is ridiculous, the only person you love is yourself. Well now that you're away for the summer, Zack and I will be hanging out most every day. And trust me, I know him way better than you do, and I know that he's going to cheat on you no matter what this summer. But I think I'll help him out with it a little bit. Have fun being mommy's little girl in D.C. while i fuck your boyfriend on the reg. Bitch.
Gracie B from College of Charleston
Howdy, bitch! I just wanted to let you know that it was me who threw your iPhone out the car window that night I picked your drunk ass up from the club so your underage self wouldn't get arrested. I wasn't surprised that I actually convinced you that you did it because you were so incredibly trashed. I skillfully played off the fact that you couldn't remember anything else. Your precious iPhone had to suffer for all the nights you & your dumbass bf woke me up because you were having drunk sex even though I had 8 am classes, for drinking ALL of my alcohol and claiming it was your friends, for eating all of my food, and for "accidentally" locking me out because you were too drunkenly stupid to remember not to lock the privacy lock. I just want you to know that I will never forget how much my stomach hurt from holding in the laughter as you walked all the way back to the club to try to find it along the road. I do hope your next roommate doesn't have to suffer as much as I did.
Brittany J from Texas A&M
Cortland has suites four bedrooms sharing a bathroom and a living room. One of the eight guys in the suite was a complete tool. He was a baseball player on the team and thought his sh!t didn't stink. He didn't like us drinking or smoking in the suite. if he smelled the slightest bit of smoke, he would snap for about 8 hours about the smoke. Well, he probably shouldn't have pissed off three of us about the smoke. The one time he goes out without locking his bedroom door, we went in there, closed the door, and lit up the largest, nastiest tasting cigars and puffed away until they were gone. By the time we left, you could not see your hand in front of your face because of the amount of smoke. He moved out a week later.
Scott M from SUNY Cortland
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