I work in an arcade and I've had a lot of stupid people come up to me. There was this guy who said a game took his tokens. I asked him,"Which one?" He says,"The one that's turned off." Why are you going to put your tokens in a game that's turned off?
James P

I work for a computer company that comes to pickup and drop off customers' computers. The other day while plugging everything back into her computer she says to "wait just a minute I 've got something for you". She came back with a little spray bottle of what she said was water for my face (I have terrible acne), and proceeded to spray it in her mouth to show me it was safe. Confused/Stupified by the comment that these spray bottles were just water I sprayed some on my hand and smelt it, it seemed like water so I sprayed some in my mouth and jokingly on a friend's face. five minutes later my hand, my tongue, and my friends face all broke out in a terrible rash…what was in that bottle? I'll never know
Ryan W

I worked at 7-eleven a few years back. These two guys came in smelling of weed and PBR. They proceeded to buy the typical assortment of stoner munchies and a carton of eggs. About an hour later they came back with the eggs (now hard boiled) and threw them at the building. I imagine the conversation on the way to the store, "Dude! this'll be hilarious, I bet noone's ever hard boiled egged anything before!"
Brian F

I work on a call center and our phone lines have mute switches that we can click back and forth in our hand. So when a client is complaining I can say "I don't give a flying fuck." right into my headset, and the client doesn't hear a thing.

Six months into my job, I'm taking a call from one of our clients named George. George is complaining about stupid, trivial, meaningless stuff I don't care about. So I put on my mute switch and say. "Well George, it sounds to me like your just a giant fucking vagina." Silence fills the line for five seconds, and George says "WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME!!?" My mute switch was broken.
Spike Spegial

A guy I work with has a neighbor with a 30-something year old son with a mental handicap. The son stays home everyday while mom and dad work and they call him throughout the day to check on him. On a day not too long ago, dad called to see how things were going and everything was alright, but the son told dad, " I caught a troll and out him in the closet." Dad was a little confused as this wasn't normal. Dad called a few more times throughout the day and was told the same thing everytime. He called his wife and explained what their son was telling him and she decided to call to see if she got a different response. Nope, it was the same. The parents made their way home wondering what they were walking into. They came in to the house and in the hallway, the closet door has a chair propping it closed. Dad pulled the chair out, opened the door, and found the "troll in the closet". Sitting on the floor in the closet was a midget who worked for the Census Bureau who had come by that morning. He was a sport and didn't press charges but came away with a story that will beat all census taker fml stories.
J K

Today some of the ladies in my office were discussing movies over lunch in our break area. One started talking about "The Lovely Bones", in which a girl is murdered and watches from heaven as her family move on with their lives, as well as try to find her killer. She also narrates the film. A girl I work with asked me with a straight face if it was a true story.
Kate M

the other day, my boss made me lay asphalt for 4 hours…im a gas station clerk
Nathan B

In high school I worked at a really nice country club as a bus boy. In the kitchen is a huge walk in fridge which we often have to go into to get bread and such. The door on the fridge is rather hard to open and you really have to push it hard to open it. One day I was in charge of training a girl the position. She seemed to be catching on really quick so I sent her to get bread from the walk in fridge. Fifteen minutes later she still hadn't returned with the bread so I go into the walk in fridge to see if shes still looking for the bread. When I open the door I see the girl in the fetal position in the corner of the fridge crying. Turns out she hadn't pushed the door hard enough to open it and thought that she locked herself in the walk in fridge and was afraid no one would open the door until "It was too late."
Scott R

I had a student ask me in the middle of a lesson if she could fix her bra. I teach kindergarten.
Sara T

I work at a restaurant in the towson, maryland area. The other day i was serving a table of five obese ladies. One of the obese ladies was wearing a low cut shirt showing a little of her fat cleavage. She didn't seem to notice, or mind, that she had dropped some nachos down her shirt. Between her cleavage was a tortilla chip and nacho cheese. Delicious.
Brian Jomamma

I work in an electronics retail store. We recently had a customer call and ask how to hook his deck of cards into his computer. Apparently he saw his son playing Solitaire on his computer earlier that morning.
Randall Hamall

So i work at a local restaraunt in my college town. I was cleaning our meat slicer in the back kitchen when out of nowhere i hear glass shattering. I run out front thinking a car just went through one of our windows to find a kid laying on his back in the store, pants at his knees, and feet hanging out of the window. Apparently this guy had the great idea to moon his roommate that he saw eating inside…on the run. He's extremely drunk and belligerent (at 8:30 pm) so he lost his balance as he was running and falls ass first through our window cutting a 4 inch gash in his ass. He of course refused treatment being the drunk idiot that he was and tried to convince the owner (my roommate) that he should pay for the medical bills because he was hurt inside his establishment. Last i heard the kid never got stiches and doesn't have the money to fix the window so it seems like hes got a felony vandalism charge on his record.
James Newhart



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