Ever have a sh*tty job that you wanted to complain about in a weekly submission-based column named after Blink-182 lyrics? Send your submissions here.


In high school I worked at a really nice country club as a bus boy. In the kitchen is a huge walk in fridge, which we often have to go into to get bread and such. The door on the fridge is rather hard to open and you really have to push it hard to open it. One day I was in charge of training a girl the position. She seemed to be catching on really quick so I sent her to get bread from the walk in fridge. Fifteen minutes later she still hadn't returned with the bread so I go into the walk in fridge to see if she's still looking for the bread. When I open the door I see the girl in the fetal position in the corner of the fridge crying. Turns out she hadn't pushed the door hard enough to open it and thought that she locked herself in the walk in fridge and was afraid no one would open the door until "It was too late."
-Scott R.

I work on a call center and our phone lines have mute switches that we can click back and forth in our hand. So when a client is complaining I can say, "I don't give a flying fuck." right into my headset, and the client doesn't hear a thing. Six months into my job, I'm taking a call from one of our clients named George. George is complaining about stupid, trivial, meaningless stuff I don't care about. So I put on my mute switch and say, "Well George, it sounds to me like you're just a giant fucking vagina." Silence fills the line for five seconds, and George says "WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME!!?" My mute switch was broken.
-Spike S.

I had a student ask me in the middle of a lesson if she could fix her bra. I teach kindergarten.
-Sara T.

I work for a computer company that comes to pickup and drop off customers' computers. The other day while plugging everything back into her computer she says to "wait just a minute I've got something for you."  
She came back with a little spray bottle of what she said was water for my face (I have terrible acne), and proceeded to spray it in her mouth to show me it was safe. Confused/stupefied by the comment that these spray bottles were just water I sprayed some on my hand and smelt it, it seemed like water so I sprayed some in my mouth and jokingly on a friend's face. Five minutes later my hand, my tongue, and my friends face all broke out in a terrible rash…what was in that bottle? I'll never know
-Ryan W.

The other day, my boss made me lay asphalt for four hours… I'm a gas station clerk
-Nathan B.

So I work at a local restaurant in my college town. I was cleaning our meat slicer in the back kitchen when out of nowhere I hear glass shattering. I run out front thinking a car just went through one of our windows to find a kid lying on his back in the store, pants at his knees, and feet hanging out of the window. Apparently this guy had the great idea to moon his roommate that he saw eating inside…on the run. He's extremely drunk and belligerent (at 8:30 pm) so he lost his balance as he was running and falls ass first through our window cutting a 4-inch gash in his ass. He of course refused treatment being the drunken idiot that he was and tried to convince the owner (my roommate) that he should pay for the medical bills because he was hurt inside his establishment. Last I heard the kid never got stitches and doesn't have the money to fix the window so it seems like he's got a felony vandalism charge on his record.
-James N.

I work in an electronics retail store. We recently had a customer call and ask how to hook his deck of cards into his computer. Apparently he saw his son playing Solitaire on his computer earlier that morning.
-Randall H.

A guy I work with has a neighbor with a 30-something year old son with a mental handicap. The son stays home everyday while mom and dad work and they call him throughout the day to check on him. On a day not too long ago, dad called to see how things were going and everything was all right, but the son told dad, " I caught a troll and put him in the closet." Dad was a little confused as this wasn't normal. Dad called a few more times throughout the day and was told the same thing every time. He called his wife and explained what their son was telling him and she decided to call to see if she got a different response. Nope, it was the same. The parents made their way home wondering what they were walking into. They came in to the house and in the hallway, the closet door has a chair propping it closed. Dad pulled the chair out, opened the door, and found the "troll in the closet". Sitting on the floor in the closet was a midget who worked for the Census Bureau who had come by that morning. He was a sport and didn't press charges but came away with a story that will beat all census taker fml stories.
-J. K.



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