Dear Justin Bieber,
Let’s get this out of the way right off the bat. I. Am. Your. Biggest. 21. Year. Old. Fan. I challenge any 21 year old person to a JB trivia contest, lyrics battle, dance-off, what have you.
Now, let’s say this. I’m not gay. I just wanna be friends. The real reason I’m writing this is to review your new album, My World 2.0. After listening to every track at least 30 times in the past week, I believe I am qualified to do so…here we go:
1) Baby f/ Ludacris———Genius. I don’t have to get into this, iTunes and everyone else knows this song is a smash hit…
2) Somebody to Love——-My interpretation of this song was this conversation between you and Usher:
JB: Yeah, you think you’re better than me?
Ursher: Justin, I am. No question.
JB: Please…I’ve had more success in my first year than you’ve had in your whole career.
Ursher: Really!? You think you can do what I do!?
JB: I KNOW I CAN! (cue “Somebody to Love”)
3) Stuck in the Moment——-JB, now you’re just showing off. The range of vocals, not to mention slowed down and sped up rhythmical beats included in this track could make me melt like an ice cube in the summa time.
4) U Smile——-Justin, this song….wow. I feel like this song is about me. I’m putting that out there. When people say you don’t know anything about love…they have not heard this song. Kudos!
5) Runaway Love——-This one…I’m putting this out there: Mid-to late Michael Jackson. Work on your dance moves a little, I know you got skills, I see you…you can get there. Keep killing it…….no idea what the song’s about by the way.
6) Never Let You Go——-Seriously, stop writing songs about me. This one’s kind of weird because we’ve never actually met. Even so…the feeling’s mutual. Bring the doubters on, they don’t matter at all.
7) Overboard f/ Jessica Jarrell——-This one is fantastic. Also…thought of something from it. I have seen all 3 High School Musicals. This song belongs in number 4. Zac Efron is not returning…you are in High School. Need I say more. Make my dreams come true, JB!!!!
8) Eenie Meenie f/ Sean Kingston——-Whoa! I have to throw on my oven mitts before I pop this one on my iPod, this shiiiit is hoooootttt!!! Seriously, even though you’re only in like the last minute of the song, when you tell bitches that they’re missing paradise…fucking yes. The next song with Kingston gonna be better though…I can tell.
9) Up——-Honestly. Not a fan of this one. It’s not terrible, but it’s the worst on the CD. Sorry, JB. You can do better than this.
10) That Should Be Me——-This song, quite the opposite of some of the others, is more about you than it is about me. I say this because this is what I say whenever I see you in pictures with people…..that should be me.
11) Kiss N Tell (Bonus Track)——-This one sounds a little Jesse McCartney-esque. That’s not a bad thing at all. J-Mac had some good shit on his one album. I love this song and how you talk about Tweeting and whatnot…so cool. I rock to this one super often,
12) (Not on the CD, but should be) Where Are You Now——-I know this one’s not on the CD, but I need to address it. I love it. It truly expresses your feelings about your father and how he was not around in your life. This is why I hate when people say you haven’t been through anything, I know Justin, I know. It’s okay, buddy. Just be the best JB you can be and everything else will fall into place.
That’s it. Over 40 minutes of golden sweet vocals accompanied by lyrics that ignite excitement and tears. Keep doing this. I need this.
In closing….write a song about us.
Phone Number, Address, anything else you want available upon request.