I thought tonight I'd meet a ladyI thought I'd bring her homeI thought we'd spend the night togetherbut instead I sleep aloneMy buddy Steve had seen her firstI had no plans to interfereThey hit it off and left togetherand left me with my beerDon't read me wrong, I'm not upsetI'm proud, but to that endI've done what any pal would doI hit on her fat friendYou see them at every night cluband she's there at every barWhen a hot girl wants to get shit-facedShe'll ride in her fat friend's carThis out-of-shape protector,armed with sarcastic quips,is there to cock block any manwhen she should really block her lipsSo I told her I loved cookies,said she looked like Bridget JonesShe let down her guard and smiledand passed a plate of chicken bones"Ahh, free wings! How I've forgotten!They can't resist free snacks!"I wondered if she ever has,as I rubbed her chubby back"Is that popcorn over there, in that basket on the bar?"And before I finished "basket"The hot girl was in Steve's carNo, we never exchanged numbersbut I was sure we'd meet againIf not this girl, there'd be anotheranother hot girl's fat friend
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