Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
Jim Carrey Movies Could Have Been A Lot More Depressing
June 10, 2010
OH NO! I
Wow! So is Santa real?
No, absolutely not.
He's not real either! Neither is God.
So what happens when you die?
You just rot in the ground. There is no such thing as a soul.
Is it my fault you and mommy divorced?
Yes. You ruined our marriage.
Do you love me?
Only on weekends.
I was raped last night.
Oh my god, Carl. I'm so sorry.
It's okay. I just don't
Um, one question did you say "yes?"
yes. I had to though. Remember how I now say "yes" to everything?
It's just technically then, it wasn't rape.
can I have sex with you?
We both know how this is going to end.
Ace, we need to talk.
Jesus, Ace, they found the dolphin. It's dead.
Please stop, Ace. Have an honest conversation with me.
'S GO TO
He's dead, Ace! Dead! You can't hide behind your butt-talk forever!
We have a problem, Christof.
What's going on?
Well, Truman's 4 years old now. It turns out the audience is comprised almost entirely of pedophiles.
I guess that makes a lot of sense. He doesn't really do anything except play with blocks. Who else would watch that?
Building this island-sized set and hiring hundreds of actors so people could watch a live webcam about a baby may have been a bad investment.
So what do you want me to do?
I'm canceling the show.
What happens to 4 year-old Truman?
He's on his own now.
Now you have God-powers.
B-E-A-utiful. First thing to do is impregnate a 13 year old girl with my son.
Maybe I should send a bunch of plagues to Egypt first. Ya know, just indiscriminately kill all first-born males.
Okay, you can stop. I get it.
Really all I care about is making sure gay dudes can't get married. That would offend me.
That's it, you're done.
I've already started the Rapture, man.
Well. This did not go as expected.
We like you. Do you like us too?
Don't ask me again.