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My fiance went to Panama for three weeks. I've been telling all my friends and coworkers how excited I was about her coming back. I bought her a really expensive dress. She came back and dumped me.
Years ago, I just got my license and went on a blind date with my friend’s sister’s friend. We hated each other off the bat, I take her to a crappy long movie, and both just want the date to end. I'm driving her home, fast, blowing stop signs, she's scared and we both just want to be away from each other. I pull in her driveway, she jumps out, I turn aorund start backing the car up and I hear BOOM. I forgot to put the car in reverse
I look forward and she's on the hood of my car, with the chain link fence pinning her legs to the hood of my car and she's looking at me with a fear I will never see again. I put the car in reverse, pull out, she rolls off the hood and onto the ground. I peel out and see her in the rearview mirror limping towards her front door. I'm home about 20 minutes later, my mom is on the phone looking at me as if I'm not her son anymore. The phone rang about 20 times before I ever got home. I called her to apologize, she never talked to me, or accepted the apology…she thought I did it on purpose.
So a couple of months back, I ask one of my best friends to go to prom with me. She agrees, as long as we go as just friends. I'm fine with this and everything goes well until I tell her that I like her a few weeks later. She gracefully declines and then suggests that it isn’t a good idea if we go to the prom together anymore, in case things get awkward. I reluctantly agree, and eventually things return to normal. The other day, I get a text message from her explaining that she has feelings for me
My girlfriend and I were 69ing and it was pretty hot. I told her so after we had sex to which she responded, "I'm glad you didn't fart in my face."
My ex-boyfriend insisted we should try to stay friends and then every time we talked he would get angry and tell me how it was 'my fault we broke up'
. I'm the one who broke it off. Duh?
My now ex-girlfriend thought the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were frogs.