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My girlfriend and her roommate called me at 4:30 in the morning to come check out a "demonic" sound coming from their apartment… It was the dryer.


My girlfriend wouldn't kiss me for the first 2 weeks we dated. She said she couldn't date a bad kisser and since she really liked me, she didn't want to take the chance that I didn't know what I was doing. This is the only time a girl wouldn't kiss me because she actually liked me!


I was at a wedding reception yesterday and was helping to set the place up. My best friend, whose brother-in-law had gotten married, used his laptop and TV to set up a slideshow. Unfortunately he’d forgotten that his desktop was a picture of his wife wearing nothing but one of his button up shirts. He proceeded to work on the laptop while the picture of his wife sat on the big screen for ALL of his in-laws and some of their closest friends to see. I’m not sure if his wife ever noticed but his Father-in-law kept repeating something about not liking the fact that Jon had a picture of “Some girl” on his desktop. Being tired, and a little dense at the time, I quickly defended my friend by saying, "No… that’s your daughter.” To which he replied by saying (with a red face and more than a few neck twitches) “What are you talking about?! Doesn’t look anything like her!!”


I went to hold my fiancee's hand and got gouged by her engagement ring. Commitment hurts.


So I've been dating this girl for a little over a year. A few months ago we are in my room fooling around and I went down on her. After I finish I then find something in my mouth. Turns out it was a piece of toilet paper and she had peed just before our encounter. Yummy.


I was riding a Greyhound bus back to school after Spring Break, and it was extremely crowded. I actually had to stand for the first leg of the trip because there weren't enough seats. Eventually I worked my way to the back where there was a kind of tiered bench, where people weren't really supposed to sit, but they did anyway. There was a very pretty girl on the upper tier. I sat on the lower one, and we started talking. We were getting along rather well – she was polite, kind, and very bright – but the bus seemed to hit every pocket of traffic and the trip was taking forever. She had been traveling for even longer than I had been, so after a while she closed her eyes to take a nap. I ended up falling asleep, too. Maybe an hour later I woke up, horrified to find that my head had lolled back onto her lap and that I had drooled all over her. For some reason, she just laughed and smiled. I was absolutely flabbergasted and couldn't do more than mumble the rest of the trip. She said goodbye when we got to the station. It was then that I realized I had never bothered to get her last name, her number, or her e-mail address. I had actually found a girl who thought it was cute for me to drool on her lap, and I blew it. I am a disgrace to mankind.


A few months ago I was in the middle of sexting my ex-girlfriend trying to get her in the mood for some breakup sex and suddenly had to take a dump. Not wanting to ruin the "romance" I took my phone with me while I did my business. Texting the whole time I was on the toilet,  it was only after about 5 seconds that I realized my semi-erect penis wasn't in the toilet and I was actually peeing all over the back of my shorts. I quickly adjusted my trajectory and went back to my room and changed my clothes. She came down later that night and we went at it like rabbits.

-Anonymous, Wisconsin

I've kinda been in a rut lately so I texted a girl who I've never hung out with before but knew through a friend of a friend. That night we went to a few bars with some friends, but mostly it was me and her just talking and having a good time, no sparks really, but I decide I'm gonna go for it anyways. At the end of the night I walked her back to her apartment, and asked her if she would rather go back to my place instead. She responds, "I honestly just wanna get some sleep" to which I reply, "Well… eventually we'll sleep." I'm still in a rut.

-Peter, Pepperdine