I had a job at an ice cream place on the beach. We had a regular customer, an older man who came in almost every day, dressed only in the same red Speedo. For some reason he always paid for his ice cream in quarters guess where he stored those quarters? That's right, IN HIS SPEEDO!
I work at a camping, hunting, and fishing store that sees its fair share of odd clientele. As a result, I've come to expect weird things to occur; such as a customer bringing back blood soaked boots, another one bringing us 10 dead geese as a gift, etc
But nothing prepared me for the day where a man dressed fully in camo decided to have fun by sneaking up behind me and "fake" attacking me with an axe. As if the action wasn't real enough, he also screamed at the top of his lungs and swung inches from my head. Wouldn't have been that bad except he accidently spat on me and hugged me while he was covered in mud
I worked at a petstore for years, and never really minded it. Not the elbows-deep-in-bleach sanitations, not the shit I had to pick up, or even getting bitten and clawed a hundred different times. At least not until one day a customer came in looking for some fishguppies. You may not know it, but these little fuckers are tiny and identical. This guy wanted one SPECIFIC guppy
and apparently he kept pretty good track of it, because when I tried to get any of the two hundred or so in that tiny tank, he would freak out and say I had the wrong one. This went on for almost half an hour.
This is my second summer as a professional groundskeeper, which essentially means I carry around a weedwhacker all day and look for high grass to cut down. It's surely a mentally stimulating occupation. Today I had to cut down some tall grass that grows on top of a small swamp-ish pool of what I thought was mud. After completely obliterating all the weeds and getting sprayed in the face with mucky water, I learned soon after that I was actually weedwhacking grass that grew atop an overflowing septic tank. Therefore I had just spent ten minutes getting splashed with rich people's shit and piss. I think I got it in my mouth.
I teach swimming to younger kids as a part time job on Tuesdays. We teach at a high school pool so the water is always cold. Last week I was teaching a 6 year old and I decided to move him a little deeper than usual. He seemed a bit scared, but I knew he could stand there so I left him where he was. As we were standing at the edge of the pool I noticed it was warmer were the kid was standing. Naturally, I assumed it was a heat vent and I moved as close to the warmth as I could. As the kid moved away to swim to the other I side I turned back for a second and realized there was no heat vent.
I work at a video store that is open 365 days a year, that included christmas (which is our busiest day). The parking lots was completely full of cars, and the store was full of people. All the registers where open with long lines. This little asian woman walks in one door, around all the registers, and people. Pushes her way to the front of the line, and asks me, "Are you open today?". Everyone started laughing, and I told her no we werent open for live customers, only for ghosts. She said ok, and left.
I work at a drugstore and we sell all the usual drugstore stuff, like cards, advil, and condoms. One night I was working and a really sketchy guy came in and asked me where the condoms were. Before I was able to tell him where they were he tells me that he remembered where they were and went to the back of the store where they are. After awhile he comes back up the the front and starts complaining about how expensive the condoms are. After I tell him there is nothing I can do he tells me "Since I can't get any condoms I guess I'll just have to do her in the behind." I was not sure what to say to that.
I do marketing for bacon. I have to eat bacon for research, Blog about bacon, and have many in-depth talks about bacon. It's my first job out of school. It's sad to know I will never have a cooler job then this. Does one even exist?