If, like 99% of us, you're spending summer at home with no job or aspirations, you'll no doubt be subjected to events and visitations involving your relatives.  What follows is a quick guide of what to expect:

 
Parents are a necessary road block in spending your summer rent free at home.  At first, everything seems great; it's cheap, you remember how good your mothers cooking is and you reconnect with your dad with some friendly games of catch and man to man talks over some cold brews.  However, as time wears on you remember why you moved away to college in the first place.  The over dinner talks of your flagging grades and the constant nagging to get a job/haircut/clean pair of pants soon become too much for you to bear and you'll either succumb to their will (unlikely) or start smoking more bowls to drown out the noise.


Coming home to siblings is often a game of chance.  If you're lucky, your siblings will be of similar age and drinking habits to you, and you can substitute them in for your now absent college drinking buddies.  If you're unlucky, you'll have to put up with 2-3 months of abuse both at the hands of your siblings and their stupid friends, arguments over car use and interruptions to your internet porn/masturbation sessions.


In small doses, grandparents can be a godsend.  Owing to the fact that they may not have seen you for many months, they will probably be so happy to see you that they will shower you with gifts/money to show their affection.  Be keeping the visits short, you can keep this level of mooching at a high point.  Be careful not to overdo your visitations though, as once the excitement of seeing their "favourite" grandchild has worn off, the gifts and candy and will be replaced will gutter cleaning, medium to heavy lifting, excessive talk about what time they get up in the mornings, and if you're extremely unlucky, mole inspection.


Most families have at least one cool aunt or uncle to their name.  Whether its due to their young age, abilty to keep up with trends without trying too hard, or just their fun nature, these relatives will ease the stresses applied by other members of your extended family.  In an absolute best case scenarios, you can spend most of the summer with these people, with road trips, college-esque drinking sessions and being taught valuable life lessons a staple with the fave relative.


The polar opposite of the favourite aunt/uncle, any conversation or meeting with these people is likened to slowly having patches of skin torn from the bottom of your feet.  They often have never left your home town, except for that one time they went to a major hospital in Denver to have a case of gout looked at.  Often accompanying these droning wrecks will be your non favourite cousin, who has recently gotten into WoW and has decided that all within has vast vocal range needs to hear of his raid tales and that one time he played for 3 days straight with his guild. 


Sometimes not too bad, the distant cousin knows their place at family gatherings.  Hailing from somewhere in the next state, they more than likley will be have been dragged to your town by their parents, who may or may not be the above mentioned non favourite aunt/uncle.  They'll engage in polite conversation with you and if you get lucky and your interests align you just may have yourself a drinking buddy for the summer, resulting in many fantastic hi-jinks.  Alternatively, their interests may align with that of the non favourite cousin, making your and everyone else's life hell.


When did she get so hot?  It's not incest if she's that far removed from my gene pool is it?