Ever have a sh*tty job that you wanted to complain about in a weekly submission-based column named after Blink-182 lyrics? Send your submissions here.?

I used to work at a tech store. Our uniform was a black polo that said the store name prominently on the chest. One day, I went with a friend to buy a grill for BBQing immediately after work, still in my uniform. We went to a chain store whose uniform was jeans, a blue apron, and a blue work shirt underneath it. You could spot them from a distance. While my friend and I were waiting for the guy to come back with the grill, a woman approached me and asked me for help finding something. I told her she should probably ask an employee and that I didn't know where it was. She just stared at me and walked away. A few minutes later, she and the manager of the store came over. Apparently she was repeatedly complaining very loudly about how horrible an employee I was. The manager came over to talk to the "bad employee". He fired me on the sales floor from a job I never had.
-Drew H.

I got fired from a copy store for pressing the buttons too hard.
-Markus S.

I recently received a LinkedIn network invitation from a friend of mine who I graduated with in May. Never having signed up, I began registering and filling out my information. I quit about two minutes into the process when I realized I was about to actually make an entire online networking profile for the position "Grocery Store Cashier." 
-John McCutcheon 


I am a nanny for two young kids. The younger one just turned 3 and started potty-training. For some reason, he'll pee but he's afraid to poop. So anyway, one day he was squirming around and I knew he had to go. I tried to get him to take a "you-know-what" but he wouldn't go and he started crying. TWO HOURS later, he'd finally become so desperate that he just went. And I swear, it was the biggest crap I've ever seen in my life. I was all encouraging though, and I said, "Ok, flush it down!" And it wouldn't flush. The toilet started flooding, and he started screaming, and just then, the mom came back. So there I am with shitty toilet water around my ankles, freaking out— Two things here: One, she didn't believe it was his crap. And two, she made me unclog the toilet not with a toilet plunger, but with my hands wrapped in a baby wipe. I think I might quit soon.
-Cathy M.

Someone took a shit on the floor in the middle of the bathroom and put a plunger over it. Thanks, guy, thanks.
-Chris S.

I work at a clothing store in Chicago (big chain, very well known for their fleece…yeah, that's the one), and there was a huge thunderstorm that knocked out our power yesterday. Every other store in the strip is closed because it's close to 100 degrees outside and the power's still out, but us, we're still open, without air conditioning, making us write down customers' items with flashlights and call VISA/MC to authorize sales. One new hire became dizzy from the heat and fell off a ladder. Took them nearly ten minutes to call an ambulance.

So I work at an organic grocery store in my home town which sees its fair share of oddballs. But being the crunchy liberal organic grocery store employee that I am, I never pass judgment… man. Regardless, I was working one slow night and two fairly unattractive and fat women walk in holding hands. I didn't pay much attention to them (mainly because they were fat and unattractive) until they appeared on my aisle ready to check out. On the conveyor belt they place two large cucumbers, two large bananas, and two large zucchinis. Now you can use your imagination from here, but I'm sure you're not thinking they're about to have a nice banana cucumber zucchini gumbo for two… or are they? Needless to say I swallowed my vomit, scanned the items, and set them on their delicious way.
-D. R.

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