At any Level of your career, you will encounter co-workers of many different types. If you've managed to keep a job for a while, you would have seen some co-workers get promoted. Instead of getting frustrated that you were overlooked or Run Away from the company to avoid confrontation, try to understand what got them up the corporate ladder and maybe by Evolving your way of thinking, you can Capture that promotion and become the Master of your domain. Who knows? With the right moves, you might have Em' All in your Pocket – Monster.com not needed.


1. Slowpoke / Slowbro

Pre Pomotion: In a meeting, this guy has no opinions and will just sit there with a dumb look on his face. Nobody knows when he’ll get anything done, but for being an airhead that just sits there waiting for fish to Bite, he seems to have an almost Psychic ability to avoid getting fired.

Why he got promoted: The Slowpoke is great for promoting into middle management because he Attack upper management about their ideas. Also, he will act as a Defense for the bosses to make as many unpopular decisions as they want.

Post Promotion: He’s still an empty minded idiot that doesn’t know his way around anything. The difference is that now he just has the boss on his ass telling him that you'll have to do that double graveyard shift again.

Effective Strategy: His slow and dumb personality is a Double-Edged sword. All you need is to get noticed with your Agility and efficieny. Bring the Thunder, shock management with your work. Just wait it out, sooner or later this guy is going to go down for having work-Amnesia.

 

2. Shellder / Cloyster

Pre Pomotion: This is the office tattle tale who won’t think twice about ratting you out to the boss. When the boss has his back on both of you, he’ll Intimidate you by making a face at you, confirming the fact that he is out to get you.

Why he got promoted: The only way this guy knows how to get ahead is through a manager throwing him a bone. The reason for him being promoted is either from: Management tired of having to deal with him Taking down the team; they found something suited for him which coincidently moved him up the corporate ladder; or affirmative action where the company has to have at least one of each type of employee.

Post Promotion: Because this guy is so used to being hated, he’s built up an impenetrable shell which will Protect against all attacks, and an Keen Eye to Detect anybody coming against him. Being built up this way, this guy is only good at defending himself and won’t be able to learn anything unless upper management made him learn it by force, either by some kind of tutor micromanagement ™, or forcing him to go to human-resources management (HM) courses.

Effective Strategy: If you really want his job, you gotta stoop to his Level and play dirty; 1-hit KO this guy before he can react. Cause some great Fissure exposing his flaws, then blow the Horn! Drill this guy until his weaknesses show.

 

3. Drowzee / Hypno

Pre Pomotion: He’s the guy who was just hired fresh off getting his daddy-paid MBA and graduating the bottom of his class. Which is why with your Bachelors degree in English (with a minor in business, that’s why you’re here, not because you couldn’t get a job as a journalist)you both have the same job. Not having worked a day in his life, he goes on and on in meetings with business theory that only works given all things are equal; but since everything isn’t, what he says is completely useless and puts everyone to sleep. The ongoing joke is that his pants are brown because he’s so full of shit

Why he got promoted: How did this new hire become your Dream Eater by getting that promotion you're after? Because of one of the requirements for management is a Master’s degree, which you can’t afford with that student debt taking 90% of your check on Pay Day.

Post Promotion: Having validated his application of what he learnt in school, his management style is not so much a manager who knows what he’s doing, but a psychiatrist of useless management theory. Despite the point of all his theory is to allow him Hypnotize you into doing his bidding, all he does is cause Confusion and again, and put you to sleep.

Effective Strategy: Take advantage of the company's education benefit program. Yes you're going going to have no Rest going to school after work, but after a few years you'll have your very own degree to shove down people's mouths, with work Experience, Points you make will have much more depth and get you up that ladder!

 

4. Magikarp / Gyarados

Pre Pomotion: This intern is the most pathetic and useless excuse for a waste of valuable office space you’ve ever seen. Why he was hired for a $500 welcome package you’ll never understand. It took you over 15 months for you to show him the ropes, only after that, he is able to Tackle minor tasks on his own, but way too often he’ll get overwhelmed and you’ll have to Switch in to help him out for someone else.

Why he got promoted: He was hired from the company's management Trainer program purely on potential. The company’s resources were poured into him so that he could Experience Share with everone to become part of management.

Post Promotion: Whether he was acting dumb before or not, this guy is now one of the most powerful executives of the office. And because there was not much respect given to him during his training process, he’s become THE meanest boss you’ve ever had. The first thing he picked up after becoming management is an impeccable Rage that causes him to causes lesser employees to Faint.

Effective Strategy: Being in those training programs, this guy's most likely ambitious enough to move on either within the company or not. Build up your Strenghts and just wait for him to leave. You really won't be able to touch him, especially since the company Rolls out the red carpet when this guy comes into the office.

 

5. Diglett / Dugtrio

Pre Pomotion: Singh, the guy in India who you Struggle to work with because the company’s testing the benefits of outsourcing. Your subconscious fear of your job being shipped overseas manifested into overt racism. Leading you to think that Singh’s office is full (in fact too much) of people like him, and you calling that backwoods overseas office as “Singh’s office”

Why he got promoted: He’s not exactly promoted per se… (See Post Promotion.)

Post Promotion: Upper management’s cost /benefit analysis concluded that guys like Singh are better than having highly paid middle managers like you; consequently the company was restructured so that there are less Levels of management. For each middle manager like you, 3 positions are created overseas, making the company more productive, and your position eliminated and unlikely to Return.

Effective Strategy: Not much you can do, either take a Flamethrower to the company or use half of the money you have left and White out on alchohol while playing Pokemon in your perents' basement.