Everytime I go grocery shopping I become more shocked by the amount of snacks out there tailor made for fatties. Reduced sodium this, sugar free that, vegetables, etc.

I'm sick of it.

I'm a relatively thin person for my height (6'10", 135lb) and I want snacks that are custom made for people like me! Snacks that will move me toward the ideal weight zone as well.

Snacks like…


Notice how salt is bad for you all of the sudden? When I was a kid, dinner would just be a bowl of salt, and we loved it. That's why these extra salty potato chips would be divine.


That's right, an industrial sized drum of curly fries and mayonnaise in the same jar. Just take a ladle and dig in!


I've been seeing 100 calorie packs of Oreo Thins recently. What the fuck is that? I want a potato sack filled to the brim with just cream. I'll call it my 10,000 calorie pack and I'll eat it for breakfast every day for a month.


Okay, a little bit of a stretch, I'll admit. But imagine undressing this yellow princess and biting into that delicious curved meat thicket. With genetic engineering being what it is today, the Ham-nana is well within our means, people. We just have to want it.


A steak fat single square is the ultimate garnish for any meatfat sandwich and a wonderful snack for the carnivore on the go.


I would be remiss if I didn't give the people an option to wash down their new favorite foods. That is what "Coke: Oops all Syrup!" is for. While most cans have 34 grams of sugar, this bad boy would have a whopping 4 million grams of fat. Not bad for a can of sweet, sweet tar.