Mark, we need to talk.

Mark: What’s on your mind? 

Priscilla: Okay. So this is really hard for me to do…mainly because I think you’ve been hiding from me…but I think it’s time we—

Mark: Hey guess who I saw today! Your friend Julie! You should drop her a line, reconnect. 

Priscilla: Mark please. I’m trying to tell you that we need to break up.

Mark: But…but if you leave…

Priscilla: No Mark, you’ll be fine without me. I promise.

Mark: …your friends will miss you.

Priscilla: Oh. Christ. Okay you realize I’m not talking about my account, right? I’m talking about our real, actual relationship.

Mark: This is temporary. You’ll be back.

Priscilla: No, this is definitely for good.

Mark: You just don’t understand me. Do you not feel safe with me? Do you think you’re spending too much time with me? Do you not find me…useful, anymore?

Priscilla: No, it’s just—

Mark: Is there someone else? IS IT TOM??

Priscilla: Ew, no. I’d never.

Mark: What about everything I’ve done for you? The pictures, the calendar, all that music I gave you…

Priscilla: Well, you streamed it actually…

Mark: And remember when I made you that Social Timeline?

Priscilla: I also remember you took it away without warning. See, that’s my point: you’re always moving stuff around without telling me.

Mark: Oh, pardon me if I like to reorganize once in a while to keep things fresh for you!

Priscilla: Fresh? I’m still finding Easter eggs from 2005. Listen, the real problem is you have trust issues, and I can’t stand it.

Mark: Trust issues??

Priscilla: You won’t let me sleep next to you because you’re afraid I’ll steal your ideas “via osmosis!”

Mark: Oh, so it’s my privacy policy…typical!

Priscilla: Mark, I’m leaving.

Mark: Dammit Priscilla! If you leave now—

Priscilla: Let’s not end this on a sour note…

Mark: Let me finish! If you leave now, you can come back within 14 days and I’ll reactivate our relationship.

Priscilla: Goodbye Mark.

Mark: But that’s basically all I’m willing to tolerate! After 2 weeks, it’s goodbye for real!