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After a year and a half of relationship, I decided to break things off with my girlfriend; mostly because I wanted to live the wild sex life of college. I already had "wasted my time" 3/4 of my first college year and lost god knows how many girls. It's been a year and a half since then and I haven't been with a girl once in all this time, and porn already started to get boring.
An old friend recently updated his Facebook status to "in a relationship". I clicked the 'like' button to show I was happy for him. Turns out the relationship was with my ex-girlfriend. Unlike!
One day I was in my apartment with my girlfriend and we were discussing how my car brakes sounded like shit. She told me her dad could get the brakes at a huge discount price and then he'd help me install them in his garage at their house. She called her dad, and he said he wanted to ask me a few questions about my car. My keys were in my jeans and I was in my gym shorts, but without thinking I told him, word-for-word "Hang on, let me find my pants." I immediately realized what I had said, and froze in fear while he sat on the phone in silence that felt like hours. Finally he starts laughing and says "You can't say that to me!" To this day they still talk about it, and it's still awkward as hell.
I told my ex-girlfriend about a particularly bad night of sex I had before I went out with her. She topped my story by telling me about the time she got a dog to go down on her.
When I was sixteen I went out with this hot kinky chick. Two weeks later, I lost my virginity and went to my swimming club to have the claw marks on my back pointed out to me. A few weeks later during a bj she stuck one of her fingers up my ass causing an extreme orgasm…I got some terrible bacterial infection and spent a week on antibiotics and painkillers, while being ridiculed by my mother. Long story short, best disease ever!
My girlfriend and I were having sex one evening, and it was better than usual because I smoked a joint beforehand. After cumming once, I just carried on going and came again. I pull out and the condom has disappeared. We freak out and search in all the obvious places and come to the conclusion that it's stuck in her vagina. We rush to a nearby hospital and after much waiting, a doctor manages to pull it out. He used these really huge forceps and said that it must've slipped off during sex and it was pushed really deep up her cervix. $100 checkup fee and one fun Friday night.