Mark: Hey, do you know anything about that cute girl from the bar?

Chris: Not really, all I know is she’s friends with Jared.

Mark: Ah! I wish I could use that knowledge to learn more about her and see pictures of her and her friends!

Chris: You could ask Jared, I guess.

Mark: Well I don’t really want to make it public that I’m trying to find out about her.

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Chris: Whoa, have you been at your computer all day? Didn’t you have classes to go to?

Mark: Yeah, I did. I’m so sick of this. I spent all day trying to get information on that girl from my econ class. I looked at her AIM profile to get her favorite quotes; Googled her and got some high school field hockey stats; looked through her Webshots page to see the kind of crowd she hangs out with —cuties, by the way—and I searched the university’s clubs website to see if she registered with any. Man, all this research took forever! My life would be so much easier if there was one website that had all her information compiled in an easy to read format!

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Chris: Hey, what’s up?

Mark: I was thinking, there should be a way for me to alert everyone I’ve ever known when a good picture of me is taken.

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Chris: Do you want to hit up the bars tonight?

Mark: Dude, I want to, but I gotta stop spending money. I’ve been driving around following this girl I knew in middle school, you know, just to learn more about her before I actually talk to her. I’m having fun and learning a lot, but these gas prices! They’re killing me! I’m going through a $30 tank a week; I can’t afford this lifestyle! If only there was a way to stalk people without spending money on gas.

Chris: You could walk?

Mark: Yeah, I guess. But all that walking would really tire me out. I wish there was some way I could stalk people for free from a sitting down position.

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Chris: What are you up to?

Mark: I’m making an Evite for my birthday party.

Chris: That’s cool. Evite’s are pretty convenient, huh?

Mark: Yeah, but I’m kinda bummed cuz only the people I’m inviting will see it. I want the people who aren’t invited to see the evite, see who’s coming, and read all the invited people’s little comments about the event. Just so they know how much fun I’m excluding them from. Ah, in a perfect world.

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Chris: How’s it going?

Mark: If I were in a relationship, I think I’d want to subtly alert everyone I’ve ever known of that fact.

Chris: But what about when you break up? Would you want to tell people that?

Mark: Yeah, definitely! I’d get so much sympathy attention. That would be the best! Why isn’t there a forum for getting that kind of info out?!