I’ll tell ya one thing about this great land called America: It. Is. Great.

 

We have Rights, and we protect those Rights down to the last gun ownership in every freaking state. Everyone should have guns! It is a very important Right to defend our democracy with a barrel full of bullet!

 

And that Obama! God dang it, that Obama! Makin’ our taxes more expensive just so everyone can have healthcare! Complete bull! Where the heck are the gun Rights in every state? Now, that’s important! Ya see, each time someone shoots another person, they can go to the hospital and be reminded of the fact that they shouldn’t be such an asshole to warrant a gunshot onto their legs. He’ll be wounded, and so will his insurance account, and that's the way we should do it in this Land of Free.

 

I don’t want to get into Obama and his Islamic links, or Islam in general, but that name! Hussein! Which God damn American has the name Hussien? No past presidents had the name Hussien! What in the gosh darn heck?

 

And those Muslim countries! Always against us and their stupid jealousy about over our democratic privileges! They will never be democratic with their oppression and their ninja mask! What’s that about? Aren’t ninjas from like China or something? If they want to steal another culture, at least take it from someone from the same continent!

 

What’s that? There is a form of democracy in Turkey? You mean the animal? Animals don’t understand the quality of democracy! Even a bee’s colony is based on oppression!

 

What’s that? Indonesia? You mean the communist country? Indonesia is a democracy now? Then, good on them! I don’t know why we’re talking about Indonesia and democracy, but okay, I guess there’s American progress out there, after all. I guess countries are still looking up to us and not losin’ any respect over the only superpower left.

 

What? Indonesia is a Muslim majority country? And it has democracy? That is absolutely ridiculous! You probably got this from The New York Times of the Daily Beast. Don’t believe those sources, they are awful! They're always trying to harm this great country. Muslims can’t be democratic! That’s like making a female bee as the queen of the colony: Im-freaking-possible!

 

Wanna get some turkey sandwich?