Today the final 40 contestants gather expectantly in the lobby of a hotel or something to wait and see if they'll be staying in Hollywood (on the REAL show) or going home and crying. In the end, 12 guys and 12 girls will go to the "Idol House" (? I had no idea they all lived in the same house, though I guess that makes sense, but if I were a parent, I'm not so sure I'd want my adorable and busty 17-year-old daughter sharing living quarters with Sundance "Sweaty Balloon of Porridge" Head. Maybe I'm old-fashioned), which means that only 16 have to go home. Which kind of sucks for those 16 people.
Here's a run-down of who's in  the hizzouse and who's going "weep weep weep" all the way home:

The High Road
  • Sanjaya Malakar, the smiley 17-year-old Indian kid
  • Melinda Dolittle, the meek background singer. She even gets kisses from Simon. Racy.
  • Brandon Rogers, a cute black guy
  • Gina Glocksen, who got cut last year during Hollywood Week
  • Haley Scennardo, who is unremarkable
  • Phil Stacy, the douche bag who missed the birth of his daughter to audition
  • Chris Sligh, aka Jack Osbourne/Black
  • Blake Lewis, the beat boxer
  • Rudy Cardinas, who was also in their "How Deep is Your Love" quartet
  • Paul Kim, some Asian guy who refuses to ever wear shoes again
  • Jordin Sparks, the cute 17-year-old Latina girl
  • AJ Tabaldo, who has auditioned 5 times now
  • Stephanie Edwards, whom I have never seen before
  • Leslie Hunt, ditto
  • Nicholas Pedro, who "bowed out" last year after forgetting the words to "Build Me Up, Buttercup" and reminds me of Robert Downey, Jr.
  • Alaina Alexander, who cries pretty much all the time
  • Chris Richardson, who reminds Simon of his one true love Justin Timberlake
  • Sabrina Sloan, who is… meh.
  • Lakisha Jones, who is awesome at singing, if probably too old and fat to actually win once it's up to America
  • Nicole Tranquillo, whom, like most of these girls, I have never seen before
  • Jared Cotter, who is cute
  • Amy Krebs, who is not that cute

The Low Road
  • Anna Kearns, the 6'85" giraffe
  • Bernard Williams, some dude.
  • Erik Davis, who was announced with Tommy because he's so unimportant
  • Tommy Gasnau, the spelling of whose name I had to make up
  • Jimmy McNeal, announced with Errick Johnson
  • Errick Johnson, spelling of name also invented by me
  • Thomas Lowe, the fourth member of the Rock Your Socks Quartet (the one with the fedora)
  • Olivia Quida-Hurst, spelling made up
  • Tatiana no-last-name
  • Monica no-last-name
  • Jerome Chism, who has snake-skin shoes
  • Joelle James, who I swear to God got cut from the Real World/Road Rules auditions the season when Road Rules went to Australia. I swear.
  • Matthew Buckstein, whom I don't remember, though the name sounds familiar
  • Princess Johnson, who has a stupid name

Then they were down to the Final Two Guys and Final Two Girls: Sundance Head and Tommy Daniels and Marisa Rhodes and Antonella Barba, respectively. Because the Idol producers are really awesome, they made these pairs go into the judges' room together, so that one of them could gloat while the other wept. This seems harsh, but the decisions they made were outright insane: They kept Antonella (probably because she's slightly more beautiful than Marisa, but even that's debatable) and fuckin' Sundance, but dropped Tommy and Marisa.

Now, Marisa totally lost it when she found out. She didn't come right out and say it, but I'm pretty sure as she was crouched in the corner of the elevator, baring her bony little back to the camera and weeping, she was thinking, "I am so much more talented than that Jersey trash ho," and she was totally right. Antonella, meanwhile, looked all smug.

Now, Tommy is infinitely more talented than Sundance. I mean, Sundance kind of turns all red and makes me want to throw up when he sings, whereas Tommy makes me want to soak in a hot milk bath strewn with rose petals. He took it better than Marisa, but still flipped a double-bird to the elevator camera on his way back down.  For his own part, Sundance completely soaked the elevator in sweat.

The contestants were also treated to a sneak preview of The Simpsons Movie, and then at the end, the Final 24 were forced to participate in a strange dance montage. Next week: America gets a say in who will stay and who will go now.