Portmanteau (n.) – a new word created by joining two other words and combining their meanings.

Is this world of Interwebs, Googleblogs, and Textiphones, who has time for saying two whole words?  Not you, you captain of industry!  Don't worry, I'm here to impart several new words in your brainhead so you don't have to spend twice the time on something that could easily be done in half.

Napturbate (v.)1. The act of masturbating to your favorite free porn, then promptly passing out in your bed halfway under Grandma's blanket. 

2. The habit that caused you to miss five days of your three o'clock Poly Sci class last semester.

Procrastichat (v.)1. To type online with a friend into the wee hours of the morning about your frustration with your paper due in four hours. 

2. To scan the status messages of that pretty chick you met in the library blindly hoping that she'll return to her computer, inebriated and wanting to talk to you.

Mystover (n.)1. A suspicious dish in your refridgerator, normally found near the back next to the baking soda, that causes a great smell to fill your kitchen upon opening. 

2. The food item of which you refuse to dispose, but promise yourself you will never ingest.  Unless you're really really hungry, of course. 

3.  Any food in your kitchen of which you cannot decide if it is more brown or green.

Highmercial (n.)1. An informercial watched only after eating a few of your stocked away brownies but before deciding that catsup and cookies sounds AWESOME

2. Whoa, I never noticed how much iCarly is like an allegory for life.  Wait, what was I doing?  Oh right, catsup on cookies.

Learngasm (n.)1. The moment when you finally learn something during your all-night study session, which results in a complete mental shutdown for the next 30 minutes. 

2. The miracle for which you pray right before your big 8AM test.

Brodial (v.)1. Dude, it's calling your br'ah at like 4AM to just, you know, shoot the sh*t.  Nah man, I don't care that he's asleep over at his girlfriend's place.  She's a total hose-beast anyway!  Oh, this is her?  Oh man, dude, I'm so sorry.  Bobby really likes you though, you know?  I'd totally stick and stir you if you weren't his lady friend or whatever.  Hello?  HELLO?!  Man, Bobby's being a little douche.

 

(All photos taken by Elliott, who has tons of studchismo).