Back and Better Than Ezra
"I come bearing .gifs." -The Internet
Drinking tap water is much better for the environment than bottled water. So I dump garbage on the ground whenever I turn a faucet on to keep the balance.
Word ProblemIf the Millenium Falcon is traveling at lightspeed and the Starship Enterprise is traveling at warp speed in the complete opposite direction, how long before I finally find out what a boob feels like?
I bet the phrase 'grammar Nazi' started when someone was looking for spelling errors in the "Diary Of Anne Frank"
Body FactEvery time you take a ghost sh*t where there's no sh*t on your toilet paper that means there's someone in Australia looking down at their toilet paper, and they have TWICE as much sh*t as they thought.
My friend's cat got feline AIDS, which is tough because now I have to explain to her how I got feline AIDS.
My biggest fear in life is a tie between a celebrity trying to tweet at me but incorrectly spelling my username and spiders.
I hate racial slurs. If you're gonna say it, at least commit to the correct enunciation.