You’ll figure out how to Ollie pretty quickly (after all, it’s just the X button in Tony Hawk, right?) and then learn all sorts of impressive looking tricks.

You need a physics degree to figure out how to do even a single skateboard trick.

Dance Classes

You’ll be surrounded by women who WANT you to put your hands on them. A flawless way to get numbers from hot chicks.

Every girl in the class thinks that you’re gay because, well, you’re in a dance class.

Learning a Language

You’ll be opening yourself up to a new language and a new culture, thus becoming far more sophisticated.

Once you’ve figured out how to say ‘shit’, you’re perfectly content with repeating it endlessly. So long sophistication.

Cooking Classes

You’ll learn an important life skill that will allow you to become more independent and self-reliant.

After they let you out of the burns ward and you can only eat through a straw, see how self-reliant you are.

Teaching Yourself Guitar

You’ll be able to search online for how to play your favourite songs, and just follow the instructions. Piece of cake!

To anyone not well-versed with the instrument, reading guitar tablature is like trying to solve the Da Vinci Code.

Martial Arts

You’ll learn all sorts of lethal techniques that would put Bruce Lee to shame, in a fast-paced environment of demonstrations, tournaments and general badassery.

Not only are the lessons linear and mundane, but you’ll have to memorise a fifty-step routine if you want to advance to a higher level. You don’t want to commit that much effort and memory to your schoolwork, let alone your hobby.

Yoga Classes

It’s a class where you’re surrounded by women in tight clothing, stretching and contorting their bodies into various positions.

While that’s true, it’s really difficult to hide an erection in a unitard.