You know that organization of "TRUTH" kids? Despite what you may believe, it's not just some off-putting anti-smoking cult that exists to take up space on your DVDs. So let it be known that there are indeed connotations, some positive some negative, associated with that pack of fags you’re flashing around all fancy like in obvious display of those clearly "much less cooler than you” onlookers. These are just some of the basic statements you're making to those poor bastards who just never realized the eternal bonds peer pressure could create.

                                                                Marlboro Reds

"I would love for you to think I’m more rugged than I actually am, and for that reason I have no difficulty directing the term “Faggot” at people I have never met personally."


                                                                 Marlboro Lights

"I’m a Divorcée in my forties. If you couldn’t tell I’m slightly bitter about it, as well for the majority of all the other decisions I have made throughout my shit-storm of a life." 

                                                          Marlboro Menthol Lights

"I’m going to sleep with someone tonight and it just might be you! But probably wont be."


"Do you want these? My friend bought them accidently and said I could have them."

                                                                      Pall Mall
"I’m poor and have what can only be described as an incredible addiction to fiberglass." (“Emphysema? I thought we already bombed those Jap bastards back in the big one.”)

                                                                   Lucky Strike

"That’s right, not one single emotion felt in years."

                                                             American Spirit Blue
"I. Am. Hip. As. Fuck. Now take a few moments to let that soak in. In the meantime I'll just be over there smoking this cigarette at the perfect angle for you to gawk at me."

                                                             American Spirit Yellow
"What!? You don’t sell the Blues!? But how will strangers know I’m Hip As Fuck?"

SIDE NOTE-(Seriously people, stop holding up the convenience store line insinuating that the Indian cashier is for some reason hoarding your precious meticulous brand so I can go ahead and purchase my Funyuns and Gatorade.) 



"Well, all the Deltas smoke Parliaments and they seem fairly knowledgeable."


"My high school lost its accreditation for awhile."


"My chances of experimenting with Methamphetamines and huffing keyboard cleaner are exponentially greater than yours."


"I think I saw a guy smoking these in a movie once. I should probably imitate it just to be safe."


                                                                    Virginia Slims

"I’m a woman in my late fifties/sixties/seventies/eighties/I'm an immortal, who you'd might consider to be "emotionally cold." I have a face that feels like a cluster of balled up pieces of paper covered in a thin layer of silly puddy and a voice that is exceedingly scratchy, but hey, a lot of the fellas down at Duke’s sure say it’s sexy. Also, All of my winnings from slot machines will eventually find their way back into slot machines."

                                                                    Camel Filter

"I’m a sucker for pretty packaging."

                                                                  Camel lights

"I began my smoking habit literally two hours ago."

                                                                   Camel Crush

"I’m impressed by random shit wayyyyy too easily."



                                                                   Black and Mild

"I very much desire to “make it” in the hip-hop industry, but my preferences in tobacco products persistently demonstrate that I have yet to do so."




"I’m what the Marlboro Red smokers would refer to as a “Faggot.”