I. White and Nerdy, Weird Al

 

Excerpt from Caucasian-Inverse Coolness Assessment Test

By Prof. Alfred W. Yankovic

Quendleton University Department of Behavioral Studies

 

1a. Most recent school you attended: em>M.I.T._________

  b If you graduated, what was your class rank: em> 1/p>

 

 

2. What is the significance of Dungeons and Dragons to you?

a) The names of two rival gangs in the hood

b) Dragons are mythical monsters and a dungeon is a kind of basement

c) The greatest role-playing game of all time

 

3. Of the following, who is your favorite MC?

a) Dr. Dre

b) Eminem

c) Will Smith 

d) MC Escher

           

4. I prefer to drink:

              a. Forty ounce bottle of alcohol 
              b. Earl Grey Tea
              c. Other

 5. On a scale of 1-10: How much do your rims spin? em>Zero_

       6. What do you most associate with the word “Cherry”?

            a) Female genitalia

            b) Red hot ash at the end of a cigarette

            c) An upbeat attitude

            d) A red smallish fruit

            e) My action figures

 

7. Tell us about who features most prominently in my library

                        a) I don’t have a personal library

                        b) I have a personal library

Featured Authors: em>Stephen Hawking_______________

                       

8. Complete the sentence. My _____ is totally pimped out.

                        a) Hoe

                        b) Car

                        c) Office cubicle
                       
                        d) My myspace page

 

II. La Vie Boheme, Rent

Application for Entry to the Bohemia:

 

I. Basic Information:

Name: ____________

Location of Squatter Settlement: __________

Artistic Talent that you insist on pursuing even though it pays no money: ________

With how many people have you had unprotected sex in the last week? ______

How many of them are you still in love with? _______

 

I. Question and Answer:

1. How many dimensions do you prefer?

2. During what time of day do you prefer to ride your bike and past whom?

3. Describe your longitudinal relation to the grain?

4. Do you have any experience making something out of nothing?

5. Why did Dorothy and Toto go over the rainbow?

Circle whether you hate or love the following?
(Answer key in partenthesis)

                                          Hate                 Love

Days of Inspiration                                      (X)

Playing Hookey                                           (X)

Going insane                                              (X)

Pensions                             (X)

Convention                          (X)

Pretension                           (X)

Parents/Parental Figures       (X)

Fruits                                                         (X)

Absolutes                           (X)                    (X)

Choice                               (X)

Village Voice                       (X)

Passing Fads                      (X)

Us                                                              (X)

Them                                  (X)

Passion (New)                                            (X)

Passion (Old)                     (X)

Yoga                                                          (X)

Yogurt                                                        (X)

*If Lactose Intolerant Note on Bottom of Form

Rice, Beans and Cheese                             (X)

 

 

 

 

III. La Vida Loca, Ricky Martin

 

How Loca is Your Vida? by Ricky Martin, Lifestyle Columnist

 

1. In which directions do you feel pushed and pulled?

      (circle all that apply)

      a. Upside

      b. Inside Out

      c. Down

     

2. What happened the last time someone else made you take your clothes off?

  1. I was undergoing a colonoscopy
  2. My girlfriend wanted to have sex with me
  3. I was being robbed
  4. I went dancing in the rain

 

3. What color are the lips and skin of your significant other?

  1. Devil Red, Mocha
  2. Crimson, Beige
  3. Magenta, Off-White
  4. Pink, Tan

 

4. What do you find is the best reliever for pain?

a)      IB Profen

b)      Fresh air

c)      Reading a book

d)      Romantic entanglement with a crazy, superstitious woman who will likely slip you a roofie and rob you

 

5. What do you drink more of:

  1. Water
  2. French champagne
  3. Equal amounts of both

 

6. Have you woken up in any funky cheap motels recently?

a)      Yes

b)      No