God: Hey, so Moses, sorry about the forty years of wandering. That was maybe six years over the line.
Moses: But not the slavery, huh?
Moses: Okay. Well, at least it’s worth it, right? Why, a land flowing with milk and honey-
God: Yeah, um, its just sand.
Moses: Excuse me?
God: Turns out its just burning, awful sand. Seriously. I don’t even know why I said all that other stuff.
God: And you’re going to have to fight all the Canaanites for it. There is going to be a lot of dying. Man, I totally forgot about those guys…
Moses: Could we…just have different sand then?
God: No. This is holy land for you, the Muslims and Christians.
Moses: Wait, who?
God: Oh right…yeah, I may have promised this land a bunch…
Moses: You overbooked Israel. Great.
God: Sorry, Mo. I’m not a math person.
Moses: Do you literally not know of any other lands to assign?
God: …Or a geography person. Or a person, really.
Moses: So how are we going to solve this?
God: I dunno. I guess we’re going to have to see who wants it more, you know?
God: Fight! Fight! Fight!
Moses: Couldn’t we just share this…awful, awful sand?
God: No! What part of “this is your holy land alone, and also their holy land alone, and it’s just for you or for them, but I’m also everywhere” is confusing?
Moses: All of that. All of that is confusing.
God: Well whatever. Just fight over your promised land which is also other people’s promised land, okay? I’m totally rooting for you. Or them. Huh. It’s pretty unclear…
God: I can only hope people will explain my intentions by yelling things.