God: Hey, so Moses, sorry about the forty years of wandering. That was maybe six years over the line.

Moses: But not the slavery, huh?

God: Eh.

Moses: Okay. Well, at least it’s worth it, right? Why, a land flowing with milk and honey-

God: Yeah, um, its just sand.

Moses: Excuse me?

God: Turns out its just burning, awful sand. Seriously. I don’t even know why I said all that other stuff.

Moses: Oh.

God: And you’re going to have to fight all the Canaanites for it. There is going to be a lot of dying. Man, I totally forgot about those guys…

Moses: Could we…just have different sand then?

God: No. This is holy land for you, the Muslims and Christians.

Moses: Wait, who?

God: Oh right…yeah, I may have promised this land a bunch…

Moses: You overbooked Israel. Great.

God: Sorry, Mo. I’m not a math person.

Moses: Do you literally not know of any other lands to assign?

God: …Or a geography person. Or a person, really.

Moses: So how are we going to solve this?

God: I dunno. I guess we’re going to have to see who wants it more, you know?

Moses: So-

God: Fight! Fight! Fight!

Moses: Couldn’t we just share this…awful, awful sand?

God: No! What part of “this is your holy land alone, and also their holy land alone, and it’s just for you or for them, but I’m also everywhere” is confusing?

Moses: All of that. All of that is confusing.

God: Well whatever. Just fight over your promised land which is also other people’s promised land, okay? I’m totally rooting for you. Or them. Huh. It’s pretty unclear…

Moses: Yeah.

God: I can only hope people will explain my intentions by yelling things.