The Student Card Swiper

The Card Swiper is most always a student employee who hates you and your damn need to eat. You will be the bane of the Card Swiper’s existence from the minute they spot you, until they are through taking time out of their texts to allow you to eat. When the line to enter the dining hall is at its longest, the swiper will be sure to take ample time between swiping cards to talk to other employees about ‘how annoying all these people are’.

The Portion Stickler

The Portion Stickler does not handle the food themselves or serve it to you. They merely stand behind the counter and reprimand you for taking more than the allotted amount of tater tots. The Stickler usually stares at you condescendingly, waiting for your inevitable gluttony to show its ugly face. The minute you even think about grabbing that third mozzarella stick, the Stickler is shaking their finger at you and muttering that ’this is the reason we always run out’.  

The Elderly Sandwich Lady

While the Elderly Sandwich Lady should probably be making sandwiches or at least tending to the sandwich meats, she is not. Sandwich lady is more of the unofficial Dining Hall security guard, seemingly everywhere at once. The second you try and sneak a couple cookies into your pockets for later, or slip a few sloppy joe’s in your bag, Sandwich Lady is alerting every person within earshot that you’re ‘STEALING FOOD! GLENDA, HE’S STEALING THE FOOD! SOMEBODY STOP HIM!’

The Dishwashers

The Dishwashers are the riff raff of the Dining Hall world. Standing behind the tray drop-off counter, the Dishwashers blatantly talk to one another about ‘these damn prissy college kids’, as they stare you dead in the eye. While you are aware of their comments, you are more focused on the noises and howls of the other dishwasher’s whom you cannot see. As you solemnly walk away, you will usually hear a comment about ‘all the leftover food he wasted‘ or more often about ‘how purty all these college boys are’.