5  Little Yapping Dogs-This futuristic form of biological combat involves releasing genetically enhanced feral packs of small dogs to bark, bite, and piss on the ankles of your opponents.  Due to their naturally keen sense of smell, they are great at detecting snipers and campers alike.   

4.  Spam Bomb-When this bomb ignites, any one in its blast  radius will get a ton of spam emails sent directly to their visor display, thus blocking their view.  This will help you disorientate your enemy before laying the beat down on them.

3.  The Testiculator-Designed for use against the avid "tea bagger", the testiculator is a bionic, weaponized grizzly bear arm, which is used to grab an enemy opponents balls, even through the thickest of armor.

2  The Inebriater-This miniature cannon is used to attack a player from the rear, whereby you fire a bottle of liquor right up their ass, depositing the booze directly onto the colon and getting them super drunk.  This is a one shot kill type of weapon, so be sure you have that ass lined up in your sights.

1.  Paris Hilton's Gaping Vagina-Paris Hilton is such a whore that her vagina became a weak spot in the time/space continuum.  After yet another night of partying, finally the fabric of time and space was ripped between Paris's legs.  So when a group of enemies surrounds you, tug on her leash and have her spread eagle, every one in the general vicinity will be sucked in atom by atom by the black hole that exists between her legs.  The only downfall to Ms. Hilton is that she is only good for one go, upon which then she spends the rest of the round trying to score some blow.