THE SCENE: A basement apartment in Atlantic City.
LANDLORD: Open up!
TENANT: Just a second! Oh, hey, what’s up?
LANDLORD: Gimme your rent, you deadbeat!
TENANT: Can I give it to you tomorrow?
LANDLORD: No! It’s due RIGHT NOW!
TENANT: Oh God! Okay, how much is it?
LANDLORD: Two bucks.
TENANT: Two bucks! I don’t have two bucks!
LANDLORD: You piece of shit! You’re out of here! I’m evicting you!
TENANT: Can I give you something else?
LANDLORD: What do you have?
TENANT: Hold on, let me see what I have in here. I own Illinois Avenue, and the B&O Railroad.
LANDLORD: You what?
TENANT: I'm a very wealthy property owner.
LANDLORD: You own all of Illinois Avenue but you can’t give me two bucks?
TENANT: I'm sorry! I spent too much! I buy every street I walk on! I can’t help it!
LANDLORD: Why would you rent an apartment in my basement on Baltic if you own all those houses on Illinois? Just go live there.
TENANT: I like to travel to every street in the city and stay a night on each one. Doesn’t everybody? Look, I’ll give you these two huge properties instead of the two dollars in rent.
LANDLORD: What about Marvin Gardens? Give me Marvin Gardens.
TENANT: And give you a set? Are you insane? I know you own Atlantic and Ventnor.
LANDLORD: You have no choice! You're on Baltic Avenue and you can't escape! Two dollars!
TENANT: Look, I’ll give you your money. I’ll just mortgage these properties.
LANDLORD: All right, but you’re just delaying the inevitable. Let’s talk to the banker.
TENANT: Oh, there’s the bank right here.
BANKER: Come in!
TENANT: Hi there!
LANDLORD: Is this all the money in the bank?
BANKER: Yep, I keep it all in this little plastic tray.
LANDLORD: You don't have a vault?
BANKER: What can I do you for?
TENANT: I need to mortgage these properties to pay my rent.
TENANT: Don’t I need to fill out a form for a mortgage?
BANKER: Um, nope.
TENANT: You don’t want to check my credit history?
LANDLORD: How did you become a banker?
BANKER: No one else wanted to do it. I hate it. Counting all these bills? It’s the worst.
TENANT: Do you make any money in banking?
BANKER: I wish. It’s the worst job in town. I make zero dollars.
LANDLORD: But if you don’t make money, how do you live?
BANKER: Every once in a while I win a beauty contest.
TENANT: I’m sorry, but you are the ugliest man I’ve ever seen.
LANDLORD: Can’t we just take all this money? No one else is here.
BANKER: No! That’s not fair! Here you go.
TENANT: Well, here’s your two bucks, Landlord.
LANDLORD: Aw shit, I was hoping you wouldn’t be able to pay, and I’d get all your land.
TENANT: Wow. You’re a real asshole.
LANDLORD: ALL OTHER LANDOWNERS WILL PERISH!!!!