The Smurfs (in a lab):  Two scientists are hovering over a glass tank and one says to the other, “It’s amazing, all these blue little humanoid creatures off in some random corner of the woods.  Even more amazing is how they managed to reproduce so much with just one female!”

The other scientist replies, “She’s quite attractive for a little blue creature…”

“Mmmhmmm, oh yes,” The first scientist agrees, stroking his chin with anticipation, “Indeed…”


Pac Man (at a dog park):  “I told you lady, I eat power pellets, it’s what I do— it’s what I’ve always done!  I swear I did not see your dog directly in my path!”


He-Man (in Times Square):  “Look sir, for one you have some nerve thinking you can dress like that in times square in the middle of the winter and two, it is illegal to carry a weapon in public, much lest hoist a huge battle sword in the air.  And I don’t know who this Grey Skull character is either, but he better have bail money because you’re going down town!”


Pop-Eye (in a grocery store):  “Listen, I’m not sure why you keep squeezing those cans of spinach, but we prefer you purchase them and take them home and open them.  Oh and your wife olive asked me to find you and tell you that she was leaving you for Bluto and to expect the divorce papers soon…”


Scrooge McDuck from Duck Tales (in an office):  “Well, Mr McDuck, due to tax evasion the IRS is going to have to seize all your assets, but we’ll set you free in a nice lake when your sentence is up.”


Donkey Kong (on top of construction site):  “What is the ape doing now?”  “Throwing barrels?!”  “Ok, chief, we have snipers in position ready to fire multiple kill shots on your command!”


The Guy from Grand Theft Auto (in a police car):  “You blew up half the city, car jacked over 30 vehicles and wrecked them, killed countless people and then you had sex with a hooker in an alley?  In 30 minutes, really?


Trix Rabbit (in a house in the suburbs):  “Get your damn hand off my daughter!”  The mother shouts.  The Trix Rabbit counters, “Look bitch, I don’t care about your whiny little kid, I want my damn Trix!”  The nother shouts back, “Listen rabbit, you don’t come into my house uninvited and try to take my kids cereal away from them.  Get off the meth and get the hell out of my house!”  The mom then pulls a shot gun from behind her back, cocks it, and then says, “Trix are for kids, asshole, don’t make me repeat it!”  “Alright, alright, I’ll be back, and those Trix are gonna be mine, you just wait and see, don’t you little bastards forget that!”

 Homer Simpson (in jail):  “I strangle my kid all the time!  No one ever gave a shit before, why am I in prison now!?  Child abuse my ass, the damn kid got green paint all over me…what was I supposed to do?  Stupid, Flanders turning me in to HRS!”

 The Road Runner (in a drug cartel):  “Ok, here’s the deal, we’re gonna strap a couple satchels of cocaine to you and we want you to speed across the border and run right by the authorities, drop off the product to our contact, collect the money and speed your ass back here and repeat.  You got it?”

“Beep, beep!”