With the onset of easily available porn on the internet, sales have plummeted over the past few years.  This, of course, means less money coming in and shittier porn being produced.  Some don’t mind, like most college-age boys who are quite comfortable with sitting five inches away from their computer monitors and jerking off until their dicks bleed.

But others miss the better produced porn, ones with storylines and plots, ones that can afford better cameras and sexier actors.  “The internet takes away the creative flair of it all,” says Kristopher Henson, one of the owners of the Bang Bros network, its most famous brainchild being the Bang Bus, “and nowadays it’s all about quick pleasure.  It leaves no room for really original ideas like Bang Bus.  I mean—a girl getting into a van and getting fucked by the dudes in it?  Who else would have thought of that?”

Other than rapists?—no one, probably!  But Kristopher has a point.  Gone are the days of Kinky Kong’s awkwardly sexed up gorilla and the two-day excitement of Pirates’ release (only because it referenced Pirates of the Caribbean, but still).

 

So what is a porn director to do in an industry like this?  World renowned porn “actress”, Jenna Jameson has the answer: “Take it off the internet.  Can’t you just like delete it or something?”

Girls Gone Wild creator, Joe Francis, has another idea entirely.  “We should offer more than sex to the viewers, and you know, make them pay for it.”  And what would he offer but educational porn?

“There are so many hours spent jacking off—we should get more than just pleasure out of it!” exclaimed Joe excitedly.  Directors are planning on inserting (ha) more educational situations—sex during a field trip to the Liberty Bell, hot teachers banging naughty students while teaching geometry, and an especially horny cardiac surgeon who interrupts a heart transplant with his 8-inch dick.

“A lot of the scripts are being rewritten,” Jenna says while chewing on her hair in what she probably imagines is a “thoughtful” way.  “Like we have to use the word ‘arrive’ instead of ‘come’ now, which like makes a lot of sense because we’re arriving at the orgasm not coming from it!  But I mean, it’s totally difficult to remember that I’ve got to scream ‘I’m arriving!’ rather than ‘I’m coming!’  I should probably get paid more.”

Both Joe and Kristopher are thinking of changing their company names to sound a bit smarter.  Kristopher is pondering, “Sexual Intercourse Brothers” while Joe thinks he might make the leap to, “Girls Exposing Their Nipples For the Camera In Ways That Are Both Sensual and Arousing.”

“Whatever we can do to get the actors the money they deserve is fine with me; I mean—I can’t live on dick alone!” Jenna says quickly in between takes before shoving the monster cock dangling in front of her face back in her mouth as the camera rolls.